Baymule, I feel the same about DH being set free. I think I am too. I will miss him, but when I was born both of my parents were blind, so I was a sort of caregiver from a young age. My dad died when I was 30. I did not call an ambulance even though I wanted to, but my mother did not want to because my dad was so upset about not going to the hospital. I think I have had guilt from that and my aunt moved into our house after that. She was about 90 and had a stroke in another state and we moved her to our home. She just slowly stopped eating and then aspirated on food. She had to be in the hospital and I let a Catholic priest make the decision about not putting in a feeding tube. I felt guilt for that too. Then, my mother died in 2004 and she was 89 and a half and I did not know she was only on comfort care. I was made at the hospital, the doctors and myself for the way she died. Now this with DH. I was in shock May 2015 and if he had died then, I would have been sedated and my kids in the hospital. We could not have taken it, but we had time to know this was going to happen and nothing we could do to fix it. Then, this hospital, hospice situation, i mean I yelled, I accused, I was just sure there was something somebody was doing wrong and they said I was in denial, but really I just thought all of them were giving up on DH. When I finally realized nothing could be done, I then just wanted him to go in peace as fast as possible. I prayed he would not suffer and my kids would not suffer watching this. Not only did he open his eyes, he turned his head towards us. Just like he was waking up from a nap when I asked are you awake. I know I could get sick from all this and the past 2 years. I will not be depressed, but I do need to relax and enjoy life. DS and I are the only 2 here now in the house. We went from 4 people to 2 pretty fast since DD just got married in June. We are planning on fixing the house and turning DD's room into a TV room. Our main living area has the woodstove and at night if we watch a movie we end up letting the fire go down too low because we get hot in there close to the stove, so this way we can keep the stove going and not be so hot. DB got DS a lot of tools for his 18th birthday and he has been fixing everything. lol I will be on the garden site and what is going on in the garden and I think I have said all I am going to say about DH here. I look around my house and see how things just stopped. I put a lot of energy and time into cancer research and vitamins and things, not much for our house or myself. I went to church today for the first time in a long time because DH could not go and DS is in the choir and I noticed he looked pale and not that well. He is beyond stressed too and we are going to spend the rest of the warm weather going to the dump and hauling stuff away and getting the garden ready for winter, moving firewood. Thank you for all the prayers and kindness on this thread.
