Don't get around much anymore

[Sam BigDeer]

SmartRed, I have prayed for you and your family..
Sam

 

[pjn]

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself.

 

[Smart Red]

SmartRed, I have prayed for you and your family..
Sam

Thank you. I/We appreciate all prayers.

I don't want the report to sound like I am whining or complaining. I try to keep DH's sisters apprised of his situation, but while he would do anything for them, he was not close. After a few unfaithful friends and the divorces of some of his family, he became rather cautions of making new friends. Probably my fault that I allowed him to wrap his life around the two of us (presuming I could have changed him anyway).

There is no one I can 'share' with other than ya'll, so a bit of venting may pop up from time to time. I have always found that writing my feelings down was a great way to release them, and you, my friends, may skip my rantings as you wish. I will feel better for the act of collecting my thoughts and getting them down.

DS is working (PTL) and building furniture for Schuler's again -- working out of our woodshop. The best of both worlds, he is gainfully employed and here to help if needed. He has his own set of problems and family life so I don't feel good about sharing everything with him. He is well aware of the problems since he is here so often, but the details are often omitted. It feels like a betrayal of our spousal relationship to bring in others.

DS, the wonderful guy, not only took care of the animals, but cleaned up the bathroom mess -- floor, walls, cabinets, stool, and clothes -- while we were in the hospital so I didn't have that when I got home. Ah-h-h!

 

[thistlebloom]

Red, I'm sorry your life has turned this corner. As you said, we aren't promised an easy road, but you are dealing with it with strength and courage.
Come and vent here as often as you need to, it always helps with perspective too, I find, to write things out.
If I lived nearby I would be there in a minute to help you with the garden chores, I know that frustration of everything piling up. I'll chime in with the others and remind you that it's important to also take care with your own health and energy, tho I know that it's a hard thing to do, to spare yourself when a loved one is in need.

That's real good news about your son getting work again, and God bless him for being so helpful with the cleanup. He deserves a giant hug.

 

[Smart Red]

That's real good news about your son getting work again, and God bless him for being so helpful with the cleanup. He deserves a giant hug.

He got one! And a $100 bill shoved into his pocket at the same time. It was such a relief to know the bathroom was clean and the mess was dealt with -- even if he tossed everything into a trash bag when I would have laundered them. When I told him that, he reminded me that it was him cleaning and for him the trash bag was a perfectly good way to handle things. I could buy new clothes. I had to agree, I hadn't expected him to clean. Of course, he was Mr. Mom when his children were small and wife's income was so much bigger it made sense for him to stay home. I forget he's used to cleaning up messes.

 

[baymule]

My heart is with you as you go through this time. I hope your husband remains healthy and calm at home in familiar surroundings. Big hugs. And come vent anytime you need to. Your TEG family is here for you.

 

[Nyboy]

Never feel bad about venting here you are much loved!!! PS I would have done same as your son trashed soiled clothes.

 

[Carol Dee]

@Smart Red My heart aches for you. Consider yourself hugged. Come vent anytime. That's what friends are for. And We all think of you as a friend.

 

[Wishin']

Oh red You are not in the least whining. I wish I was nearby and could help. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you.

My mother had c-dif twice, she nearly died from it the second time, scariest time of my life. I outright told God "don't you dare, I can't do this, I can't raise eight sibling, and deal with my dad, lose my mom, and especially care for my one sibling who has a mental problem and tries to inflict physical harm on me. It is not that I won't it is that I can't. " I have since learned that you can argue with God and win, but it is not really winning because there are consequences you could never have foreseen, consequences you would have not had to face, if you would have acknowledged He knows better than you ever could, and has a perfect plan.I admire your faith and the strength you have to put your trust in Him.
I will be praying for you both.

 

[Smart Red]

You are not in the least whining. I wish I was nearby and could help. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you.
I will be praying for you both.

Thank you. The thing is, it isn't all that hard for me. It is harder on spouse. Now that I have learned not to get upset at his "mistakes" and accept reality as it is to him, most days are great. I do know that things will get more difficult and I pray that I am up to the challenge when it comes. I want to be a wife, not a caretaker. I want the world to see the smart, hardworking, honest, caring, wonderful man that I married rather than look at me with pity and him with annoyance.

Spouse couldn't avoid getting sick, and he couldn't avoid the conditions of this illness. Since he is slow to complain about feeling sick, his C.diff was very serious by the time I stopped being indecisive and got him to the ER.

Throughout our marriage, DH has taken care of me so well. He is the boss and head of the family. While we discussed decisions and he really did listen to my ideas, he had the final word and I quickly learned that he was always right. Not that he thought he was always right, he just was. If I couldn't persuade him to do, or get, or try something my way, things always seemed to work out for the best.

Now, almost all the decisions are up to me. I try to think them through a bit more and ask myself what he would have wanted. I pray that our years together have brought our minds and hearts close enough that I can tamp down my own impulsiveness and follow through with what DH would want.

Well, I walked through the dining room for the first time since we went to the hospital. Poor Cee Cee, being left alone for so long, nervous because she didn't understand what was going, not able to be close to me and unable to get outside, used the dining room as a bathroom. It stands to reason the one of the rooms she isn't allowed to go in wouldn't 'feel' like her home and therefore would be satisfactory for her needs. Sigh! Can't blame the dog. It was a lot to expect of her being alone for so long even though DS was there for a while every day.

Better get the mess cleaned up! Night all.