Excuses, Excuses....

[Carol Dee]

Lucky. others are better at saying what I want to, i.e. Cane, Thistle and Cat for a few. I am so glad you feel you are among friends and can open up and release. I will pray for your DH and YOU. It is very important to take care of yourself, too. (I have a 2nd cousin and a nephew with mental illness, pretty scary and frustrating stuff.) Consider yourself hugged...

 

[so lucky]

OH, you guys are the best at being empathetic and caring! Thanks, I really appreciate your kindness. I just saw that famous preacher Rick something-or-other talk about his son committing suicide, even with all the best support and medicine that money could buy. Hopefully he can help open a national discussion on what we can do to destigmatize mental illness. Meantime, I do try to do things just for my own mental health. I have found that prayer helps me a lot. DH says it doesn't help him, and I guess that's not surprising, as he can't just "let go and let God" with his anxiety and paranoia. YET. It'll come.

 

[Kassaundra]

Many others have said what I was thinking and didn't know how to say. Besides all that awesome stuff everyone said, you really should see my garden, the weeds are at least as tall as the plants (not even kidding here) and I to haven't canned or pickled a thing. Even my raspberries went to waste this year b/c when they were ripe and ready to pick I was very sick.

 

[so lucky]

Many others have said what I was thinking and didn't know how to say. Besides all that awesome stuff everyone said, you really should see my garden, the weeds are at least as tall as the plants (not even kidding here) and I to haven't canned or pickled a thing. Even my raspberries went to waste this year b/c when they were ripe and ready to pick I was very sick.

Man, that's awful, being sick when your raspberries were needing you. They are such a fragile and rare treat around here. I guess that's the thing about gardening; it's not just the weather that throws a wrench in the works sometimes. :/ Thanks for the encouraging words, Kass.

 

[baymule]

Girlfriend, you are loved and valued here! I am sorry your life has taken this turn and that your DH has gone down the dark road of mental illness. You are welcome to come here any time you have the need to let it all hang out! Yes, you ARE in a funk because of your husband's condition. It is enough to get anybody down. Then you come to TEG and see the colorful pics of everybody else's glowing accomplishments and you feel worse about your life and you get what I call "the mullygrubs." Mullygrubs? I have no idea where the expression mullygrubs even came from, but if you say it outloud, it just seems to fit. Shrug your shoulders and admit, "I got the mullygrubs." Then go get a piece of chocolate, go outside in the garden/chicken coop and eat it. You'll feel better.

You want to know WHY my garden looks so fabulous? You want to know WHY I have 27 hens? Because my 90 year old mother lives with us and I am basically under house arrest. I can't leave her alone for very long, so I take her with me. If she doesn't want to go, then I stay home. Her itinerary is Walmart, the post office, Walmart, church, Walmart, post office, shop for the Holy Grail of a dress that does not exist, did I mention Walmart? I hate Walmart, I hate professional shoppers that never buy anything, and I don't have the daily compulsion to wait breathlessly for the post office to box the mail so I can get my junk mail fix. Sigh. But that is what makes her happy and that is where she is in life. I quit a 10-12 hour a day job to care for her and boring is an understatement. So I added onto the garden, added a run to the coop and got more chickens. I call it decorating my cell. I have to have something to do, so I grow vegetables, can, make jelly, cook for hours to serve meals that I could never make when I worked 10 hour days. I make bread, pies, cakes and look up recipes on the internet. Like you, I find joy in my chickens and my garden.

Now, let's bust some mullygrubs. If you haul straw in your trunk.....so what. It's your car and you can do what you want to with it. That's why they make shop-vacs. If you intended to pick strawberries and blue berries and didn't......so what. Go buy some jam. If your garden hasn't rewarded you with a bumper crop.....so what. Go to the farmers market. The fact that you can go pick something that you grew is proof that you have had success in your garden.

About that chicken yard.....get on it, girlfriend. It will make you feel good, it will make you feel accomplished, so get started. I don't know what your day consists of with your DH, but use some of your time to work outside. It is your gift to yourself. Obviously, he won't be any help to you, so don't even consider it. Do it yourself FOR yourself. If you just work on the chicken yard 30 minutes to an hour each day, then you are that much closer to your goal. Get some Motown Hit CD's and play them while you work. How can anybody NOT be happy working in rhythm to Motown???? I bet even your chickens would like to dance around to "There ain't no mountain high enough"

And PM me your address and I will send you some of my green bean seeds. They grow like mad, are 2-3' long and will cover you up with green beans. So if you are feeling left out for not having 40 quarts of green beans canned in gleaming glass jars, I can hook you up! Although I never can these, I get so many, that I pray for a killing frost and I have had enough of green beans and I don't want to eat any more until the next season!

http://www.theeasygarden.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=33860

Do the seats in your car fold down? Lots of cars have back seats the will fold down and it opens up to the trunk of the car. If so, throw an old blanket and some plastic in there and go get your trees. If they don't fold down, throw an old blanket and some plastic and go get your trees. You'll just have to get creative stuffing them in your car! Hang them out the window........stuff them crosswise in the trunk and let the tops hang out the back of the trunk.....tie the trunk down good.

Big hugs to you

 

[bj taylor]

there isn't anything i can say that can help. i just want to throw my support in with everyone else's. i had never thought of what it must be like to be trapped by your mate who also happens to be mentally ill. the one person who should be your support system is instead your burden. how hard that must be.
i will pray for you and him that God will bring you relief.

 

[digitS']

So Lucky, I used to belong to an organization called "Well Spouse." You might want to see if there is a chapter in your area.

We were blessed by having 2 leaders who were both retired RN's and who both had husbands with MS. One "retired" much earlier than she intended. The other, had her husband in a nursing home by the time I was involved in the group.

Here is something I learned - other than "take care of yourself! -- The well spouse of a chronically ill person has a shorter lifespan on average than his or her spouse.

You got that? Huh?! There is something terribly wrong with that statistic. It is wrong, wrong, wrong. However, not all care-giving, well spouses lose out on life. We had good times! Yes, we did.

Steve

 

[Collector]

I feel for you So lucky, About 5 years ago I had some heart issues, Still do. I spent some time in a funk, A depression, A mullygrub mood. Things seemed to overwhelm me and I just did not have the energy or the will to get things done that i wanted to do. It stayed that way until I stopped worrying all the time and accepted my lot, so to speak. Since that time my over all health has improved greatly along with my outlook on things. Having a sick spouse is something none of us are prepared for, you just get thrown into it and have to adjust your life to a new situation, that is tough stuff. I have no doubt you will get back on top, until then just keep on keeping on...

 

[MontyJ]

Yeah, I sleep...some. Please don't look at what I do and consider what you haven't done a failure. Far from it. You are struggling with something much more difficult than canning beans or pulling weeds. Maintaining your sanity must be a full time job. Like some others, I've been doing this a long time. Dew and I practically have it down to an art form, but it takes both of us to do it. If she were incapacitated, or otherwise unable to help and needed extra personal care, I could never do what I do. For many years I did do most of it all alone. Until this year Dew didn't help in the garden. She would help with snapping the beans, but all other canning and pickling was on me. I think she realizes that I can't do it by myself any more. In fact, I don't know how much longer I can do it at all.

I have never had to deal with mental illness. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like. Yet, you are still here with us, carrying on with a cheerful attitude in every post. I admire you for having the strength to deal with what has been handed to you.

So, vent away! When you're feeling down, pour a cup of coffee and stroll over to the fence that is the the internet, and holler at your garden neighbors. We'll listen.

 

[so lucky]

Just got my morning "fix" by reading all your encouragement. Thank you very much. Thanks for all the prayers, as well. Yesterday was not a total bust; I did manage to make a gallon of kraut. Chopping the heck out of that cabbage was pretty therapeutic! lol! I was sort of looking around for something else to chop..........