Funeral arrangements.....

[Beekissed]

....Mom and I went to do hers today and it was so very simple and fast. I like it when things are kept simple and are affordable, to boot. I think the guy was a little taken aback at how blithely we went about it all and how unconcerned she was with the usual details that seem to make a modern funeral~obituaries, viewings, services, memorial, burial, etc.

She's getting cremated, there will be no notice in the paper, no services or viewings, no obits, no headstone, no burial(other than a scattering of the ashes on the land), etc. She and I both feel this way about it all, though our minimalist and cheerful approach to it all seems to be puzzling to many.

We had originally planned a plain pine box burial but after finding out how much it costs to even get that into the ground, we opted for the cremation instead. Now we have a pine coffin in the living room, currently serving as a blanket chest and extra seating for the family. It's a pretty box, so unless someone were to tell folks, they'd not know it was a coffin.

Got it sent FedEx some time back from CO, where they make these coffins out of reclaimed pines that have been killed by beetles. Green burial and all that. The FedEx guy was curious, as the packing crate had split open a tad, so I opened it up for him and let him look at it...said it was the first time he had delivered a coffin. Got a $200 refund on the shipping due to the damage, so it was an even better deal.

We were going to sell it now she's decided on cremation, but she sort of likes it now and doesn't seem too eager to part with it. The funeral home guy said if we wanted to sell it any time in the future that he would have buyers. Go figure! Amusing day, to say the least.

 

[Nyboy]

I don't think I could sleep in house with a coffin I would keep expecting a vampire to came out. I am a organ donor, anything left over then cremation. True story how nuts my grandmother was. When learning I was a organ donor screamed don't donate your eyes you will be blind when you get to heaven.

 

[Beekissed]

I don't think I could sleep in house with a coffin I would keep expecting a vampire to came out. I am a organ donor, anything left over then cremation. True story how nuts my grandmother was. When learning I was a organ donor screamed don't donate your eyes you will be blind when you get to heaven.

You'd be amazed at the grown men who are scared of that pine box. They will actually back away from it with fear in their eyes and voices when told what it is.

It's boards formed into a box shape. Much like a wood box or cedar chest. Everyone seems just fine with it when they think it's a big ol' blanket chest. Go figure.

I think that's one reason it tickles Mom so much to hold on to it...it's a great conversation piece.

 

[so lucky]

There is a funeral home here that offers a cremation and visitation package for a little under $2000. The deal is, the cremation has to happen within 24 hours of death, thus avoiding the need for embalming. The visitation has the urn sitting on a table surrounded by photos of the deceased. I don't think this price includes a burial.
I personally feel that some kind of visitation or gathering is helpful for the survivors. For friends and relatives to gather to say goodbye. And to be reminded that life is short and precious.

 

[Smart Red]

It is a very pretty box and, I'm sure, useful for storage. Only the six hand holds along the sides would give away its true purpose without someone telling.

 

[Beekissed]

There is a funeral home here that offers a cremation and visitation package for a little under $2000. The deal is, the cremation has to happen within 24 hours of death, thus avoiding the need for embalming. The visitation has the urn sitting on a table surrounded by photos of the deceased. I don't think this price includes a burial.
I personally feel that some kind of visitation or gathering is helpful for the survivors. For friends and relatives to gather to say goodbye. And to be reminded that life is short and precious.

Her cremation is a similar price but without the 24 hr time restriction or viewing.

We feel like, if a person had wanted to see her, they would have come to see her while she lived and should be saying those things all the while. Nothing reminds a person that time is short like realizing they let time pass without visiting their loved ones and it then it was too late. I can think of nothing that would be more helpful to the survivor than that realization, so they could then make amends about the other people in their lives, redeeming the time given more wisely. Giving them the chance to do it after a person dies just reinforces the feeling that they've got plenty of time to say good-bye, even if it's after a person is already gone.

I feel the same as she...can't talk to someone when they are gone, so what's the point of then saying "good-bye"?

When I worked hospice we were strongly encouraged to go to the funerals of our patients, but I only attended two of them due to the family begged me to be there.

Here's why: Every day I put my heart and soul into my patients, going the extra mile, treating them with the full power of my compassion and tenderness, clear down to bathing their shell tenderly after they left it behind. Most often I had a more intimate and loving relationship with that person than most of the family, there at the end of their lives. What then is left to say or do? My respect, my honor and my love was all expressed when it could do the most good...while they were living. No need for further actions at that point, as I've handed them off to their Maker and they are no longer within my care or hearing.

I say, if you love a person, you should let them know every day and in every way. If you live afar, call them often and tell them what you feel, listen to how they feel and be a friend to them in that way. Visit if and when you can, don't put it off. Do that, and you need never feel bad about not getting to say good-bye. Time will not catch you unaware, because you made good use of the time given.

I need never go to a funeral because I'm showing all my love now, when it does the most good.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I'm with So Lucky on that. The funeral and ceremony is for the survivors. When I'm dead I really don't think I'll care. Do you need a body for that? Not in my opinion. Plenty of people have closed coffins. But each family will do whatever they will.

If I remember my Daniel Boone history he had a very nice coffin ready for him when he got older and knew the end was coming. He not only had that beautiful coffin on display in a prominent place in his house he even slept in it at night. I guess you don't become famous without getting people to talk about you.

 

[ninnymary]

Bee, I agree with what you say. But perhaps people need each other for support during their grief? Not so much for saying goodbye to the deceased?

When my daughter got married, she left out many aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother, etc. She only wanted people that were in her life. She said if they hadn't talked or written in months or years, why should she have them there? She also didn't have the money or wanted to pay for these people. I agreed with her. You can imagine the backlash we got.

Mary

 

[Beekissed]

Bee, I agree with what you say. But perhaps people need each other for support during their grief? Not so much for saying goodbye to the deceased?

When my daughter got married, she left out many aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmother, etc. She only wanted people that were in her life. She said if they hadn't talked or written in months or years, why should she have them there? She also didn't have the money or wanted to pay for these people. I agreed with her. You can imagine the backlash we got.

Mary

Oh, I can imagine.... Everyone who doesn't really care to be in a life wants to show they care at important events where folks will be gathered and able to witness just how much they care to be there.

And I'm sure I'll hear some backlash over Mom's arrangements, but it's what she wants that really matters...anyone feeling any differently than that are just supremely selfish at that point. She is supposed to pay extra for services for people who didn't bother to spend time, call or visit with her while she was alive so they can feel better after she dies? Can't see the reasoning behind all of that and that's a pretty expensive gift on her part....she doesn't have that kind of money to waste, so it all comes down to what is practical.

Now, if those folks who complain want to pay for the viewing of an urn full of ashes and extra services and such, they are free to do so if it helps them grieve.

 

[Carol Dee]

@Beekissed Bless your heart and bless your Mama.
Dad and Mom preplanned there funerals. Dad made to BEAUTIFUL coffins that sat in his basement until the day they where needed. Talk about conversation pieces. My older brother passed away suddenly 3 months after Dad. (Mom had already been gone 3 years) By then we remaining siblings knew what the others wishes. There was a cremation, short obit in paper and a family gathering to inter the ashes near Mom and Dad. Yes, some backlash, but what he would want.
I love and admire your and your Mom's pluck! And your tender heart. Your clients where very lucky to have you.