Funeral arrangements.....

[Beekissed]

Thank you, Carol Dee! I agree with you...it's all about what they want and not so much about what we would want that matters.

I know our actions aren't real popular in today's world but purely based on practical sense. She can't afford a showy funeral and everyone who knows her will know when she's dead, so no need for any notices in the paper, etc.

Carol, I think it's the height of common sense that your Dad prepared so fully for their going....people used to be more like that and death wasn't something so feared. Used to, folks would sit up all night with the dead in their front parlor. Funerals were done at home...and all the body preparation was done there too. Families would come together to help with all of that and grief support was in full force.

I was going to take care of Mom here at the house like that but found you can't do that any longer....there's all kind of permits that have to be in place and licenses held in order to handle the body, transport the body, etc. I think I would have liked being able to put Mama to rest in her flannel nightgown, on her old quilt and in her own home, to take her on that last ride to the cemetery and see her coffin safely tucked in. I can't imagine trusting anyone else to any of that, but they just won't let a family do it any longer. So, we decided to make it short and sweet, over and done.

 

[Nyboy]

Talk about expensive try flying a body from one state to next Had my brother cremated, then had a friend mail to NY. Was that legal, don't know just did it and hoped wasn't lost in mail. Still a little bent out of shape my older sister and I split cost, when we asked my little sister to chip in, she told use not a good time. Week later her 16 year old daughter driving a porche she got for her birthday.

 

[Smart Red]

Bee, I have a friend (BFF2) who's husband was late for his funeral. When she heard the cost of shipping him home for burial, she decided to drive him home herself -- ashes beside her in the car. He would have been on time, but she got a bit lost driving to his family's church in Wisconsin from Ohio.

I love the idea of your mother's funeral. It is as simple and easy as I hope mine will be someday. With very few exceptions, I have visited with friends and family shortly before they passed. I always felt it better to remember them as they were and skipped most funerals myself.

For me it isn't a matter of being cheap or not being able to afford a bigger 'splash' on my way out, but everyone who is important to me is part of my life now. Once I'm gone, I'm gone. A tree makes a far greater headstone when we both are planted in the land I love.

 

[so lucky]

With us, it seems like visitations are a chance for distant relatives and friends, neighbors and work associates to meet and sort of discover each one's connection to the deceased. So, at the last few visitations I have been to, I have found that people I knew from other arenas in my life also loved the deceased.

By that time there is not much crying left, or display of regret going on, mostly a chance to chat and catch up. We always say "It's a shame someone has to die before we all get together" but that's the way it goes with these modern crazy times. I think there are some people who go just as a chance to keep up with the small town news. Sort of a professional mourner.

I kind of like the idea of the survivors throwing a big party, and marching me down main street.
Maybe I'll go plan the party now, while I have the chance. Lets see: Chicken wings, potato salad, barbeque.....

 

[Beekissed]

For me it isn't a matter of being cheap or not being able to afford a bigger 'splash' on my way out, but everyone who is important to me is part of my life now. Once I'm gone, I'm gone. A tree makes a far greater headstone when we both are planted in the land I love.

Red, that's exactly how we feel too! Everyone who is close to us, is close to us now and, after we are gone, no regrets for any time lost as we are not losing any time in the present.

Also feel the same way about the tree vs. the stone...it has always puzzled me when folks visit a field of stones, as if that loved one is still there and can see and hear them. Then, they feel guilty down through the generations for not tending those grave sites enough. I don't want my kids driving by a field of stone, feeling bad about not stopping to see my grave periodically....I won't be there, I will have flown. That hole in the ground and that rock in the field will not mark where I am at that time.

I always tell them to throw my ashes on the garden or orchard where they will do the most good, then plant flowers and food...lots of pretty and practical things.

 

[aftermidnight]

When we go, simple cremation, no funeral, no visitation, no write ups in the papers, our kids know where we want our ashes scattered, a place near and dear to us. Our friends also know how we feel and if anybody doesn't like it, it's just too bad. If friends and family sometime down the road want to have a get together, fine, we just might join them in spirit.
"Chicken wings, potato salad, barbeque....." sounds pretty good to me"

 

[Carol Dee]

@Smart Red , @Beekissed & @aftermidnight I like the way you ladies think,

 

[catjac1975]

My inlaws prepaid their funerals to the tune of 13 thousand each-15 years ago. Fancy send off for lower middle Americans who had saved a lot of money by not really living. My husband wants to prepay. We both have insurance and have told everyone CHEAPEST WAY POSSIBLE. My worry about the prepay programs is that they are a scam. Or they will go out of business along with our money.

 

[Carol Dee]

@catjac1975 Mom and Dad did the pre-pay long before they needed the services. It saved a LOT of money and stress of last minute plans and decisions. And the bonus of knowing everything was as they wished. Chose a reputable Funeral home that has been in business a long time.

 

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

i worry about that prepay thing too. unless this is through a local funeral home that has been in the area for many years i wouldn't invest in something like that.

my FIL back in 2011 cost us about $2400 to cremate him without any fanfare, no obit, no nothing other than giving us back his ashes. we still have those ashes on the shelf along with his mother's and brother's. i would like to scatter them sometime soon.

i remember when my grandfather passed in 2005 & i think this turned me off from having a full funeral w/casket. the flowers were beautiful but the exorbitant costs for them just made me depressed even more. i was there to witness his passing and that was the 1st and last time i had been in the room with someone doing that. i don't want to be there for any others but i know i would be for my parents & dh if and when that time comes. my mom & dh i know have said they are willing to be cremated but i've been unsure about my dad. i keep saying when i go & get cremated just have my ashes scattered in my yard so i can help the plants grow for future years.