Garden humor thread..

[canesisters]

..not garden, or weather, or anything related to this topic really - but just too cute not to share

Oh wait! It IS garden related!! She's wearing a GARDEN GNOME costume.

 

[baymule]

Cane you always come up with the funniest pictures!! That is so cute!

 

[canesisters]

Thanks, but most of 'em I snitch off of BYC

When I first saw it, I had this vision of a whole bunch of costumes made like this and a flock doing the chicken version of swan lake

 

[Smart Red]

This, too, is not strictly garden humor unless you consider anything gardeners in Wisconsin do during the winter. Also works for Gardening with Animals. . .

A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 with monthly payments of $560.00.
He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin. It's mid-winter ... and of course all of the lakes are frozen.

These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks to focus on -- something for the decoys to float on.

Now ... making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So ... out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse.

Our two Rocket Scientists ... afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action:

-- they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust,
-- they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...? Let's talk about the dog: it is a highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING -- especially things thrown by the owner.

You guessed it ... The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse ... just as it hits the ice.

The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming.

One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane!!!!!! The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator.

The men continue to scream as they run. The hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog's rear end ... he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master.

KA BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with, 'I can't believe this just happened' looks on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And there is still the first of those $560.00 a month payments coming due.

The dog is okay ... doing fine. And you thought all Rednecks lived in the South.

 

[canesisters]

Well THAT made me laugh out loud
... in the middle of choir practice
... when I was supposed to have been paying attention to something totally different
than TEG.....

 

[baymule]

Did ya'll import some of our dummies? Just goes to show ya' stupid does not respect state lines.....

 

[Smart Red]

Beer, brats, cheese, and a too-long winter explain it all.

 

[baymule]

Blonde MEN Jokes!

A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
------------------------------------
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ."
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone.
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the doctor.
"No," he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------
A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------
A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck," says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
-----------------------------------
(This one actually makes sense...sort of...lol)
An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

 

[canesisters]

GOOD ONE(s) Bay!

(just 'cause)

 

[Carol Dee]

Blonde MEN Jokes!

A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
------------------------------------
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ."
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone.
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the doctor.
"No," he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------
A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------
A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck," says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
-----------------------------------
(This one actually makes sense...sort of...lol)
An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

I love this, as a blonde woman I thought I had heard ALL the blonde jokes.