Garden humor thread..
- Thread starter desertlady
- Start date
ninnymary
Garden Master
Carol Dee
Garden Master
Pulsegleaner
Garden Master
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2014
- Messages
- 3,549
- Reaction score
- 6,977
- Points
- 306
- Location
- Lower Hudson Valley, New York
Forgo (v.), something you do before leaving
Cardamom (v.), What the liquor store owner has to do to your mother before he or she lets her buy alcohol.
Tap-dancing (n), the tiny changes you make to the hot and cold water faucets in the bathroom to get the water the right temperature.
vellum (n.), what you are supposed to say after someone says "tank you" or when you greet summun.
parchment (n.) the state of being very thirsty or dry.
firmament (n.) the state of being very solid.
Cardamom (v.), What the liquor store owner has to do to your mother before he or she lets her buy alcohol.
Tap-dancing (n), the tiny changes you make to the hot and cold water faucets in the bathroom to get the water the right temperature.
vellum (n.), what you are supposed to say after someone says "tank you" or when you greet summun.
parchment (n.) the state of being very thirsty or dry.
firmament (n.) the state of being very solid.
canesisters
Garden Master
and
Nyboy
Garden Master
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2010
- Messages
- 21,365
- Reaction score
- 16,244
- Points
- 437
valley ranch
Garden Master
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2014
- Messages
- 5,742
- Reaction score
- 5,733
- Points
- 367
Carol Dee
Garden Master
Been there, done that!
valley ranch
Garden Master
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2014
- Messages
- 5,742
- Reaction score
- 5,733
- Points
- 367
An old woman walked up and tied her mule to the hitching post.
As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, "Hey old woman, have you ever danced?"
The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No,.... I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old bag, you're going to dance noe," and started shooting at the old woman feet.
The old woman prospector - not wanting to get her toes blown off - started hopping around. Everyone was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out her double-barrelled shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sound too and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the gun never wavered in the old woman hands, as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a Mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No m'am... but I've always wanted to."
There are five lessons here for all of us:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.
As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, "Hey old woman, have you ever danced?"
The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No,.... I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old bag, you're going to dance noe," and started shooting at the old woman feet.
The old woman prospector - not wanting to get her toes blown off - started hopping around. Everyone was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out her double-barrelled shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sound too and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the gun never wavered in the old woman hands, as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a Mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No m'am... but I've always wanted to."
There are five lessons here for all of us:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.
valley ranch
Garden Master
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2014
- Messages
- 5,742
- Reaction score
- 5,733
- Points
- 367
Free weed for clean up in Colorado.
Headin'er south boyz!
http://www.krdo.com/news/Free-weed-f...an-up/38609816
Headin'er south boyz!
http://www.krdo.com/news/Free-weed-f...an-up/38609816
