Garden humor thread..

[baymule]

It's not just for the south. I think it applies pretty much universally. So go wear your funny clothes, ugly hat and dig in the dirt. LOL

 

[Nyboy]

 

[baymule]

I saw a sign in a greasy spoon café once that read;

Helen Waite is our complaint specialist
So if you have a complaint
Go to Helen Waite

 

[digitS']

I was in a line last week. Behind the person at checkout was a sign that said:

"Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy."​

Whoa! You leave your kid unattended in that place and you are gonna pay a high price, short and long term!

Steve

 

[Ridgerunner]

I haven't done this for a while so I'll repeat some of the Sunday comics.

Opal: Earl, I have it go to a meeting, but I left you a plate of leftovers in the microwave.
Earl: Which meal is it, lunch or dinner?
Opal: I don't know, what's the difference?
Earl: Well if it's dinner I missed lunch. If it is lunch I'll miss dinner.
Opal: Deal with it, you'll be fine.
Earl: At my age I only have so many meals left and I hate to miss any of them.

From Pickles

 

[Ridgerunner]

Grandpa: Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Phineas? Uncle Phineas made a fortune in the pager business. He was a millionaire when he died in 1999!
Grandson: Gosh, did he leave any of his money to you in his will?
Grandpa: Sad to say he didn't. In fact he did not leave anything to anyone. Before he died he secretly buried his treasure, somewhere in the wilds of Pennsylvania.
Grandson: Gee, what good did he think that would do him?
Grandpa: Unfortunately Uncle Phineas believed in reincarnation.

From The Born Loser

 

[Ridgerunner]

Senator giving speech: And while I have nothing but the utmost respect for my distinguished colleagues on the other side of the aisle, Blah, Blah, Blah ...
Reporter #1: I must say, he's certainly a man of strong convictions.
Reporter #2: No, he's not. He's a man of prior convictions.

From Shoe

 

[Carol Dee]

 

[Ridgerunner]

A conversation between two sharks

She: Isn't that sweet!
He: What?
She: Those two people up there.
He: What about them?
She: they're in love!
He: How can you tell?
She: The way they talk, the way they laugh. That look they give each other. It warms the heart! The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and romance is in the air.
He: I guess if I'm going to eat someone I'd better shuffle on down the beach.
She: Not here Buster!!!

From Sherman's Lagoon

 

[Ridgerunner]

Jester: Okay I should be far enough away from prying eyes. (He rubs a lamp)
Genie: Thank you for waking me from my 1000 year slumber. Umm... Poverty, disease, Inequality, war. I do not wish to stay in this time, I'm sorry. I'm going to bed for another 1000 years. Wake me in 2017. I'm sure they will have figured it out by then.

From Wizard of Id.