MontyJ
Deeply Rooted
Cow poop also makes great bingo markers. Yeah, they play cow patty bingo here.
Garden humor thread..
- Thread starter desertlady
- Start date
canesisters
Garden Master
The say that it has nothing to do with the continous non-stop wretching....
MontyJ
Deeply Rooted
A farmer went to the local co-op to purchase a rooster for his flock. He found one for the ridiculously low price of .40 cents.
Why is this rooster so cheap? he asked the clerk.
Why, hes no good, replied the clerk. Thats Randy the Rooster! Hell breed your whole flock to death, and then some!
Thinking this is just the ticket to get all of his hens bred quickly, the farmer bought the rooster and took him home.
Go to work, Randy, he said, and off to the field the farmer went.
When he came home from the fields that evening, the farmer was shocked to find all of his hens stripped of their feathers and dead. Only Randy the Rooster was left alive, strutting around the barnyard with a smile on his face.
Randy, he said, You dont mean to tell me you bred those hens to death in one day! I dont believe it! You better slow down, or youll be dead within the month!
Randy just stared into the goat pen, ignoring the farmer.
The next day the farmer went back to his fields, trying to figure out how to get more hens to replace the ones Randy had loved to death. When he returned to the house that evening, he had an even bigger shock. Most of the goats were dead. The few scraggly looking survivors were backed up against the wall of the shed as close as they could get. Goat hair was everywhere.
Randy! Are you serious? The farmer cried. How could you? I told you if you kept this up you wouldnt live out the month, but Ill be surprised if you live the week!
Randy just stared into the pigpen, ignoring the farmer.
The following day, back to the fields the farmer went. No hens, no goats, that rooster would be the end of his farm. Something had to be done. When he returned to the house, he wasnt very surprised to find the pigs dead. Spur marks told the tale.
But where was Randy? There he was, lying on his back, eyes closed in the middle of the pen, buzzards circling above.
Stupid rooster, the farmer said. I told you if you kept that up, you would die.
Very slowly Randy pointed one wing feather at the sky and whispered, Shhh, youll scare them away.
Why is this rooster so cheap? he asked the clerk.
Why, hes no good, replied the clerk. Thats Randy the Rooster! Hell breed your whole flock to death, and then some!
Thinking this is just the ticket to get all of his hens bred quickly, the farmer bought the rooster and took him home.
Go to work, Randy, he said, and off to the field the farmer went.
When he came home from the fields that evening, the farmer was shocked to find all of his hens stripped of their feathers and dead. Only Randy the Rooster was left alive, strutting around the barnyard with a smile on his face.
Randy, he said, You dont mean to tell me you bred those hens to death in one day! I dont believe it! You better slow down, or youll be dead within the month!
Randy just stared into the goat pen, ignoring the farmer.
The next day the farmer went back to his fields, trying to figure out how to get more hens to replace the ones Randy had loved to death. When he returned to the house that evening, he had an even bigger shock. Most of the goats were dead. The few scraggly looking survivors were backed up against the wall of the shed as close as they could get. Goat hair was everywhere.
Randy! Are you serious? The farmer cried. How could you? I told you if you kept this up you wouldnt live out the month, but Ill be surprised if you live the week!
Randy just stared into the pigpen, ignoring the farmer.
The following day, back to the fields the farmer went. No hens, no goats, that rooster would be the end of his farm. Something had to be done. When he returned to the house, he wasnt very surprised to find the pigs dead. Spur marks told the tale.
But where was Randy? There he was, lying on his back, eyes closed in the middle of the pen, buzzards circling above.
Stupid rooster, the farmer said. I told you if you kept that up, you would die.
Very slowly Randy pointed one wing feather at the sky and whispered, Shhh, youll scare them away.
canesisters
Garden Master
baymule
Garden Master
Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had mistakenly been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner paced back and forth as he waited nervously for the clerics' reaction.
"Quick," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?"
"Nothing," replied the waiter with a shrug. "They're all too busy collecting the seeds and putting them in their pockets."
"Quick," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?"
"Nothing," replied the waiter with a shrug. "They're all too busy collecting the seeds and putting them in their pockets."
Chickie'sMomaInNH
Garden Master
- Thread starter
- #57
desertlady
Attractive To Bees
they must've love watermelons! LOL!baymule said:
- Thread starter
- #58
desertlady
Attractive To Bees
Chickie'sMomaInNH said:
baymule
Garden Master
"Woman stops gator attack with a small Beretta pistol.
This is a story of self control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.
Here is her story:
While out walking along the edge of a bayou just below Houma, Louisiana with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly emerging from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open.
She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was worth more than the purchase price of this gun.
This is a story of self control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.
Here is her story:
While out walking along the edge of a bayou just below Houma, Louisiana with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly emerging from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open.
She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was worth more than the purchase price of this gun.
dewdropsinwv
Garden Addicted
baymule said:
I LOVE that one!!!!
