Garden humor thread..

[Smart Red]

That is a good post, and usually it would be very funny . . . as long as it is not true. The weather in the south-west is so terrible to hear about on the news each night. Everyone in that area needs to be prepared and keep themselves safe.

 

[ninnymary]

flowerweaver, I haven't laughed so hard in a while.

Mary

 

[MoonShadows]

@flowerweaver , that is funny!

Jim

 

[MoonShadows]

Didn't read all 87 pages of this thread, so I hope this is not a repeat.

You know you are an addicted gardener when...

1. Your neighbors recognize you in your pajamas, rubber clogs and a cup of coffee.

2. You grab other people’s banana peels, coffee grinds, apple cores, etc. for your compost pile.

3. You have to wash your hair to get your fingernails clean.

4. All your neighbors come and ask you questions.

5. You know the temperature of your compost every day.

6. You buy a bigger truck so that you can haul more mulch.

7. You enjoy crushing Japanese beetles because you like the sound that it makes.

8. Your boss makes “taking care of the office plants” an official part of your job description.

9. Everything you touch turns to “fertilizer”.

10. Your non-gardening spouse becomes conversant in botanical names.

11. You find yourself feeling leaves, flowers and trunks of trees wherever you go, even at funerals.

12. You dumpster-dive for discarded bulbs after commercial landscapers remove them to plant annuals.

13. You plan vacation trips around the locations of botanical gardens, arboreta, historic gardens, etc.

14. You sneak home a 7 foot Japanese Maple and wonder if your spouse will notice.

15. When considering your budget, plants are more important than groceries.

16. You always carry a shovel, bottled water and a plastic bag in your trunk as emergency tools.

17. You appreciate your Master Gardener badge more than your jewelry.

18. You talk “dirt” at baseball practice.

19. You spend more time chopping your kitchen greens for the compost pile than for cooking.

20. You like the smell of horse manure better than Estee Lauder.

21. You rejoice in rain…even after 10 straight days of it.

22. You have pride in how bad your hands look.

23. You have a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.

24. You can give away plants easily, but compost is another thing.

25. Soil test results actually mean something.

26. You understand what IPM means and are happy about it.

27. You’d rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothes store.

28. You know that Sevin is not a number.

29. You take every single person who enters your house on a “garden tour”.

30. You look at your child’s sandbox and see a raised bed.

31. You ask for tools for Christmas, Mother/Father’s day, your Birthday and any other occasion you can think of.

32. You can’t bear to thin seedlings and throw them away.

33. You scold total strangers who don’t take care of their potted plants.

34. You know how many bags of fertilizer/potting soil,/mulch your car will hold.

35. You drive around the neighborhood hoping to score extra bags of leaves for your compost pile.

36. Your preferred reading matter is seed catalogs.

And last but not least:

37. You know that the four seasons are:

• Planning the Garden
• Preparing the Garden
• Gardening
  ~and~
• Preparing and Planning for the next Garden

Author Unknown

 

[canesisters]

Didn't read all 87 pages of this thread, so I hope this is not a repeat.

You know you are an addicted gardener when...


3. You have to wash your hair to get your fingernails clean.

8. Your boss makes “taking care of the office plants” an official part of your job description.

16. You always carry a shovel, bottled water and a plastic bag in your trunk as emergency tools.

19. You spend more time chopping your kitchen greens for the compost pile than for cooking.

20. You like the smell of horse manure better than Estee Lauder.

22. You have pride in how bad your hands look.

23. You have a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.

24. You can give away plants easily, but compost is another thing.

27. You’d rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothes store.

28. You know that Sevin is not a number.

29. You take every single person who enters your house on a “garden tour”.

31. You ask for tools for Christmas, Mother/Father’s day, your Birthday and any other occasion you can think of.

32. You can’t bear to thin seedlings and throw them away.

33. You scold total strangers who don’t take care of their potted plants.

34. You know how many bags of fertilizer/potting soil,/mulch your car will hold.

And last but not least:

37. You know that the four seasons are:

• Planning the Garden
• Preparing the Garden
• Gardening
  ~and~
• Preparing and Planning for the next Garden

Author Unknown

YUP!!! THAT's me!

 

[Smart Red]

Me, too, Canesisters! So many of those points refer to me.

 

[MoonShadows]

They are funny, aren't they. Here are a few more...

1. You have a stack of seed catalogs on the back of your toilet.

2. You are confused and feel sorry for someone that does not garden.

3. You go to stores like Wal Mart or Lowe's just to browse the garden section in the dead of winter - even when it's empty.

4. You buy three times as many seedlings than you have room for.

5. When you drive by an empty lot, you say, "That would make one nice garden".

6. While at the nursery, you discover a variety of tomato that you have never seen. You decide to buy it because you've just got to have it, although you have a buggy full of tomato transplants already.

7. You look for excuses to miss family functions because you just want to garden.

8. You buy a TIVO just to record shows on HGTV.

9. The only websites that you have bookmarked in your Favorites are gardening sites.

10. You name your pets 'Brandywine' or 'Cajun Delight'.

11. You desperately want to hop over the fence and work in your neighbor's untidy garden.

12. You dig through the neighbor's trash to find anything you can compost.

13. You ask for a new cultivator and floating row covers for Christmas.

14. You spend more than four hours a day looking at gardening websites, and pictures of other people's gardens.

15. The only books in your bookcase are gardening books.

16. You carry a copy of The Farmer's Almanac everywhere you go, and refer to it as "The Book".

17. When you are looking at new homes the first thing you ask the realtor is, "Can we see the backyard?".

18. You own more gardening gloves than you do socks.

19. While doing laundry you realize your clothes are dirtier than your kids' clothes.

20. You refer to your garden fork as your "Baby".

 

[MoonShadows]

And a few more....

1. When your co-worker shows off her freshly-painted manicure, you proudly present the dirt under your nails.

2. Your garden Crocs are your statement shoes.

3. You mention to your friend that you planted Bellis perennis this weekend, and she looks at you like you have two heads. ("Daisies, obviously.")

4. Your daughter asks for a swing set for her birthday and you scoff. Where will it go, among the corn stalks and tomato vines?

5. You send apologetic notes to your neighbors who won't see butterflies around their yards this year. They'll all be at your place, fluttering about your butterfly bush.

6. You agree with Al Roker: The weather is the most important part of the newscast.

7. But, of course, you receive weather alerts on your phone, too. From, like, five different apps. Better safe than sorry.

8. Your mom gives you a pretty tea towel for your birthday, and you think how it's the perfect size for protecting your knees from the dirt.

9. You have the tiniest garbage can on the block — but the largest compost pile in town.

10. Your friends plan a special berry-picking trip every summer. You plan to lazily reach over and grab a few from your patio's chaise every day.

 

[MoonShadows]

And, I'll leave you with this....

1. Every container at the dollar store, regardless of size, shape, color or intended purpose, is viewed as a potential plant pot.

2. Every time you take a break from gardening, you are checking the forums, blogs or websites for updates or re-re-re-reading the same gardening books/magazines for the billionth time.

3. You have more photos of your plants than your kids.

4. You take pictures of your garden every week or two and compare them to last week, last month, last year.

5. People ask nicely how you’re doing, and you launch into a diatribe about the powdery mildew on your tomatoes.

6. No one gives you gifts any more that don’t belong in the yard or shed.

7. Your neighbors catch you outside giving your plants a pep talk, either praising them for doing so good or asking why they just won’t grow!

8. You go to a box store and can’t find ONE plant you don’t already have.

9. You have so many potted plants in your yard and home that visitors ask if you are operating a plant nursery!

 

[MoonShadows]

I lied! here are 10 more.

1. Have you tried to stop gardening for a season but started drawing up new plans before the last frost?

2. Do you wish people would stop telling you to just buy your vegetables at the grocery store?

3. Do you drive by farm stands and mentally calculate how much more space you'd need to start your own?

4. Have you ever switched from rows to beds to moderate your gardening?

5. Do you occasionally start the day with a walk out to your garden for a quick eye-opener?

6. Do you stop to pull one weed and stand up two hours later with a bucket full of dead dandelions?

7. Do you envy others who can control the size of their gardens?

8. Do you ever stop at the grocery store and walk out with flats of flowers or veggie starts instead of the food items on your list?

9. Do you tell yourself you can stop gardening anytime you want to?

10. Do you have Garden-Outs? Do you wander into your garden at 7 a.m. on Saturday morning and wander out at 5 p.m. wondering how so many new beds appeared fully planted?