Gardening with the Old Folks

[digitS']

Broke Down Ranch really got me thinking about this by talking about her mother collecting rainwater in that rain barrel thread . . . Gardening with the Old Folks.

Some of you know that I have multiple gardens, including one in the backyard of my 91 year old father.

The last year, that became a very difficult arrangement.

I'm not really in the "sandwich generation" anymore - gotta be too old for that. My youngest child will graduate from college in the spring. She has lived off on her own for a few years and she's worked since she was a high school junior. So, my child-rearing responsibilities aren't great. Still, I'm rather exhausted from my relationship with Dad.

I'm wondering whether others would like to say something about changing relationships with the old folks and, sometimes, living arrangements that probably should change but don't. Or, that do change and either work out or don't work out as expected.

Steve

 

[HiDelight]

I think about the last time we took a group of elders mushroom hunting bird watching ect ..I have gardened in someone's lot who was in her 80's and used to call me at 3am to move the sprinkler ...

..... sounds wonderful ...we did have some fun memories ..but ...

Older folks have high expectations and plenty of time to tell you about them

if you are ok with that ..it would be an awesome plan!

 

[digitS']

HiDelight, I haven't had Dad call me at 3am to move a sprinkler .
Actually, I honestly don't know what he thinks about me taking care of his yard the last couple of years - running the sprinklers, mowing his lawn, as well as tending my dahlia garden there. It looks to me that "doesn't want to be a burden" is his only guidance on the issue. He would, probably, have fallen into the same situation that I see his neighbor in.

The neighbor is about Dad's age and recently lost his wife. I noticed that he rode his riding lawn mower around the perimeter of his yard once this year . . . no mowing, no water - no lawn grass by September, a few green weeds.

I related not too long ago how the guy who lived nextdoor to me allowed 7 trees to grow in his small backyard. After 2 of them died, they were all still there when he passed away. Not only was his garage in a state of collapse but so were the back rooms of his house. It took demolition and major remodeling to bring his home back into a livable state.

Steve

 

[HiDelight]

I think it is sweet that you want to do this


here is another

direct quote from a sweet elderly man I was doing yard work for

"STOP USING THE BRAKES ALL THE TIME YOU ARE JUST WASTING THEM!!!!!"

 

[HiDelight]

as long as I am capable and someone older than me needs something ..and I am able to do it ..I will go and do it

no questions asked

I kind of like being told one day "no I never eat lettuce thank you" same woman the next day "you use my yard and do not so much as offer me a tiny piece of lettuce?"


I think it is wonderful when a son looks after his father!

 

[digitS']

. . . direct quote from a sweet elderly man I was doing yard work for

"STOP USING THE BRAKES ALL THE TIME YOU ARE JUST WASTING THEM!!!!!"

I'm not sure if Dad wants me to want to do this for him . . . really, really not sure.

I'll give you an example of that kind of "save money by not using the brakes" kind of thinking.

The gutter in the front of his house made a contribution in keeping the water off the concrete driveway, sidewalk and front steps. The ice broke it a few years ago. He ripped that gutter off and "hid" it behind my compost bin - it's a crumbled up mess of metal and totally useless. Of course, he didn't have someone come in to put up a new gutter.

The rain barrel that he had behind his house for the last 15 years was completely useless. He just dumped the water out of it on the lawn where it would have fallen anyway. This year, he rolled this ugly blue plastic barrel over against the fence to join an old clothes drier and ANOTHER blue plastic barrel !

He has aallll sorts of totally useless metal scraps around the outside of his house and in the garage. The other day he said he'd found a very old "monkey wrench" that was very rusty. "I can clean that up," he says. I told him that he could probably sell it on eBay. "No!" Should have kept my mouth shut.

Heck's Fire, he sets out a garbage can for pickup each week that is literally 3/4 to 7/8 empty while all this useless c**p builds up around his house.
Steve

 

[Greensage45]

LOL,

Let it out Steve! LOL We are here for you man!

Seriously though, I am not too certain that Gardening or the Love-of is a learned thing. I really believe that it is built within a person and it does not normally mean that every generation gets it.

I have been planting since I was two inches tall. Yet my parents, both of whom are city folk from Boston, see trees and plants as "getting roots into the pipes", "tearing up the Foundation of the house", "attracts insects". I think back to all the fabulous gardens, beds, trees, bushes, and bulbs that I put into my parent's yard. I even built my first greenhouse when I was barely in my teens. Where are these things? Where are all those trees? What happened?

I hear..."oh those bulbs, well Dad felt they would attract termites" (everything is brick and concrete!) LOL "oh that old tree?" Old???? I am only in my 40's.

Currently the backyard is clear of any trees with just bermuda grass. The front yard is all rock-scaped with a few oleanders for color. The last tree I got them was a Deodora Cedar in 1998 (am not sure of its fate, but it is no longer there).

Thankfully, now I find myself to be discarded as all the plants I have provided them. I do not regret my choices but given the chance to do this all over again, I think I will choose different parents and keep the plants myself! LOL

Huggs,

Ron

OH, I guess it also skips amongst siblings too! My brothers can grow credit, escrow, and children; as for pets or plants...forget it!

 

[HiDelight]

no easy solutions .

a drive up to Maine with my mother figure "I dont think (insert husbands name here) should drive my car his feet are too heavy for the gas pedal" I drove ..from Providence to Freeport with my 6'2 220lb husband shoved in the back of a tiny honda civic ..because his feet were too heavy to drive

sigh ...no easy fixes just stories to tell later I guess

 

[4grandbabies]

Broke Down Ranch really got me thinking about this by talking about her mother collecting rainwater in that rain barrel thread . . . Gardening with the Old Folks.

Some of you know that I have multiple gardens, including one in the backyard of my 91 year old father.

The last year, that became a very difficult arrangement.

I'm not really in the "sandwich generation" anymore - gotta be too old for that. My youngest child will graduate from college in the spring. She has lived off on her own for a few years and she's worked since she was a high school junior. So, my child-rearing responsibilities aren't great. Still, I'm rather exhausted from my relationship with Dad.

I'm wondering whether others would like to say something about changing relationships with the old folks and, sometimes, living arrangements that probably should change but don't. Or, that do change and either work out or don't work out as expected.

Steve

Steve, I have lived on both sides of the fence, My mother used a wheel chair due to rheumatoid arthritis, and my day passed away at age 60 with a heart attack. He knew how bad his heart was, so a couple of years before he died, he sold their home, and bought a trailor which he moved next door to us on a lot he found for sale. He did this so we would not have to drive for an hour to take care of mom because she could not live alone either, and he knew she would not give up her home if he died while they still lived there.
Bless HIm for all that. After he passed away, mom would have panic attacks and call me in the middle of the night, thank goodness, it was next door! I became exausted from the up keep of both places, so we found a house at a great price, that had plenty of room upstairs and a full finished downstairs . Since we had kids at home, it was ideal for the kids to have recreation space downstairs, and privacy when they had company. Even tho it put us in debt, it worked for us until she passed away. She had lived thru the depression, so she had kept every button off every worn out garment, every usable zipper etc. I sure learned about not wasting anything because she remembered how hard it could get. Our children learned compassion, and relate to elderly people with no problem. I guess we were blessed while trying to help her. We also helped my husbands follks out as long as they lived, we were all part of each others life. and I have a lot of peace of mind from working it out that way.
As anyone knows,who read my "short personal page," here or "about me" on ebay(cala3) knows, my husband was hit with Parkinsons disease, and I have fybromyalgia, and deteriorated spine, and we were living on 87 acres , that we could barely keep the yard mowed, and we hired someone to weed eat.. financially that was hard. One day, our daughter called and said she and her husband did not want us way off there by ourselves, and would we consider living in a modular home next door to them...sound familiar?? We found out our son several states away was also wishing they could move us near them, but since they did not have their own land, there was not a practial way to do it. So early this year we moved here. It had been awesome, we are the encouragers, we can at least babysit as needed, and its working out beautifully. It was actually our son in law that first suggested we come here.. so we knew we are wanted.
So I guess what comes around goes around. I know for some people its impossible to take care of, or take in their parents,and there is no condemnation in that, there are some good nursing homes out there, and if you monitor them and visit often, that can be an answer. Dont let pride-his or yours get in the way, do what ever has to be done with a lot of compassion and patience, your dads life will be affected more than yours,believe it or not. Do what ever gives you peace of mind, I know older people dont eat well when they eat alone, falls can happen with no one knowing, I know its hard to know just what to do, but May you have blessing and guidance along the way, At least you care, some people dont.

 

[obsessed]

I think I got lost on this subject. If there was ever a question. But I can give you my opionion. My mom in not old she is 49 but in sucky health and in sucky finances. she wont ever let me help. I worry for her future.

I lived with my grandmother till she past. Me and my eldest daughter. My grandmother was poor as well. Together the three of us lived in a one room apartment with me and my daughter sleeping on the floor. We had what we needed but could not always afford luxuries like her medications. I was young at the time. From 16-22. I did not treat her well or do the things I should have could have. Now I am stuck with loads of guilt and regret.

I hope that my mom will let me help her when her time comes. Mostly to make up for my selfish petulant behavior toward my grandmother.