Have you hugged your _____ today?

[digitS']

It may help to rant, I don't know.

Sometimes, it might help to hear how foolish I sound if I actually came out and expressed myself. I'm not talking about DW or my kids here but there are neighbors who drive me up the wall and, no, I won't be out giving them a hug . . . maybe I should.

I read an opinion article yesterday about how difficult it is for us to recognize another person's pain. It has to do with identifying and if there is distance, for whatever reason, even recognizing pain is difficult.

Here is something that may be true: We set up distance with ego. I am too busy, My work is too important, why must I be bothered with such triviality?? That distance is important to us and our self-esteem . . . we think.

I don't know what to do about some neighbors. Adjusting and adapting to their behavior, that I see as making my life more difficult, is certainly as far or further than I want to go. Still, living with others is what life seems to be all about. Falling short of healthy adjustment, trying again . . .

Maybe the willingness to listen can reinforce the healthy responses to negatives. They are there, maybe well hidden amid the rant. Reinforcing the rant may be very unhelpful, "You are fully justified in being upset! And further, did you notice how they . . . . blah, blah!" Maybe, "You are doing the best you can by taking some time to deal with this. Save a little time for yourself later. You will probably need it to get some rest."

Steve

 

[baymule]

Good post Cane. People never appreciate what they have until it is gone. I am blessed for the last 17 years by my DH. He is a good man, good to me, good to my family. I ought to know, because for 14 years I was married to a physco %^%^#%^ sorry piece of nothing that I am sorry to say, fresh air, water, food and shelter is still being wasted on. In that particular case, yes, I appreciate it that he is gone-as in gone out of my life.

My DH and I exchange "I love you" probably a dozen times a day. We take turns being "mad" while the other one of us giggles or outright laughs at the other's lapse into stupidness. I hope I get to keep him for another 17 years.

 

[journey11]

Some good points made there, Steve. Sometimes the most bitter and miserable people to be around are carrying some of the heaviest burdens.

 

[thistlebloom]

You know...because people who are hard to get along with were mentioned, as well as neighbor people who are hard to get along with... I just found out today that the neighbor who is most annoying and indifferent to other neighbors property rights recently lost her adult son to leukemia.
I am feeling ashamed because I recently called her about her livestock that went careening through my gardens.
She didn't answer so I left a message. I wasn't rude, but it was rather an exasperated message. Had I known she was dealing with grief I would have overlooked it. It wasn't that big of a deal really. :/

 

[Jared77]

I get to deal a number of people. Often its at the very worst moment in their lives.

One thing I've learned is to never, ever take things for granted. The very last thing I tell my loved ones is "I love you". Be it my parents when we part ways after visiting, or my daughters before they go to sleep or I leave for work or go to the store for something. Same goes for my wife. I want that to be the last thing they remember if suddenly we're no longer together in this life. She asked me about it shortly after we realized we were meant to be together forever and as I explained it, she' understood and appreciated it. She's an RN so it wasn't a big leap for her to get it.

I've seen too many times people upset because they lost someone and the last thing they said to each other was something terrible in the heat of the moment that they can never remedy. Why would you put that burden on yourself? Why even risk that burden?

Its like the old saying "He who dies with the most stuff....is still dead".

There are times its tough to be grateful for what we have, instead of being upset at the things we don't. Why me is a phrase I'm sure we've all said. But the real question is are doing what's expected of us? Are we being the good spouse, the good parent, the neighbor we'd want to live next to, and the family member we're all glad we have?