topeka said:
. . . Simple, easy. possible, massive calories

thats all I want!
any ideas?
I like the way you think, Topeka

. And, welcome to TEG

!
Let's see . . . 7,000,000 calories . . .

?? I use this "rule of thumb" that an adult needs about 2,000 calories, each day. There are 365 days in the year . . . This must mean that you have
9.6 adults in your family.
All of our food is darn sweet - lots of calories! And, it isn't just processed food. We've made big strides in turning wild plants into fruits and veggies that are all tender, tender, tender. This is called the agricultural revolution and it began more than 10,000 years ago. So you see, if you claim inheritance from the last 10,000 years of history (and prehistory

), you should be able to grow food for your family.
Tender sweet fruits and vegetables - who doesn't want them like that

?? An apple is 10% sugar. A soda pop is 10% sugar. Cooked broccoli is 1.5% sugar - which, if I did the math right, is about the same as 1/2 teaspoon of sugar per serving of broccoli. And then, the apple is 2.5% fiber, the broccoli is a little more -- and there's lots of vitamins (& fiber)

!
Here's a little something about
Planning a Vegetable Garden. It's real general stuff - for a general audience - but you may want to follow the links and think a little about what the author has to say about "growing more vegetables in whatever space you have." Do some thinking about "Succession Planting."
But, if you really really want to just get a
1 shot harvest of a ton of calories (which you will then have to figure out how to store for the other 364 days of the year :/) follow the guidance Ridgerunner has on sweet potatoes and try to learn more about them. There's probably no reason why you can't become a sweet potato farmer.
The USDA tells us that 150 hundred weight/acre yield is a reasonable expectation. That would be about 6,700,000 calories per acre. See, you are almost there

!!
Steve