Is chilvalry dead?

[Carol Dee]

Aaarrgh! Isn't that discouraging? I do think the feminist movement has done a lot to damage the natural helpfulness many men would offer. Yeah, it's leveled the playing field :/ .

I made 3 trips past those guys who pulled up seats on buckets and lounged against the door frame to watch me. I was too shy at first to ask for a hand, and then too disgusted after they watched

Argh... Exactly. They just stood and watched. Guess that is what bugged me most.

NYboy, good for you. I hold doors all the time and always Thanks profusely and Smile BIG when one is held for me. Especially if it is a young guy. Want to encourage them to continue.

 

[canesisters]

My job involves a lot of hard physical labor, and I'm pretty capable of most things, but certainly welcome a helping hand when needed from anyone willing. A few years ago one of my customers had dug out 3 mature lilacs from his yard and wanted me to plant them at his cabin. I went to his home to collect the lilacs which were at the side of his yard furthest from where I parked. I pushed my wheelbarrow through the yard, past the 4 burly construction guys working on the garage remodel and struggled to get each huge lilac into my wheelbarrow, then back through the yard and into the back of my truck. I made 3 trips past those guys who pulled up seats on buckets and lounged against the door frame to watch me. I was too shy at first to ask for a hand, and then too disgusted after they watched my wheelbarrow tip over when one of the lilacs rolled and unbalanced it. Those puppies had huge rootballs and must have weighed around 100 pounds or more. And they just watched me go through all the heaving and pulling and pushing and sweating without even the remotest offer of help. If it had been any one of them doing all of that I would have pitched in to help.
Well, I got the lilacs in the back of my truck finally and drove away puzzled and demoralized.

Thistle, I had something like this happen a year or so ago. I was at a local cabinet shop collecting sawdust/shavings. They were in 55gal drums behind the shop and I wrestled 6 of them across the yard and up the ramp into my trailer while 2 men stood at the door with their arms crossed watching me. I wanted to ring their necks. But when I was done and covered in dust and sweat, I walked over to them, dusted my hands off and said, "Ok then, is there anything I can help yall with while I'm here?" They both blushed, and went back inside.
( I still wanted to ring their necks....)
On another note, there are still LOTS of men who will come running when they see an opportunity to help.
Once I had a flat tire on this little back road between home and work. I almost NEVER see any other traffic on that road but that day just about the time I realized that I was in just the wrong spot to be able to get the jack under there along came a logging company work truck. Three men got out, said "Ya need some help?" and before I could even finish explaining what was wrong, they had started grabbing things off of their truck and were changing my tire. When done they said "There ya go" and hopped back in their truck. I never even got their names - I just call them my pine-scented angels.
Even just yesterday... The new flag finally arrived for the entrance to the landfill. I had planned to just replace the worn, faded one but found that the rope was in even worse shape. After we closed I went to the store and came back with rope and snaps. But the old rope broke before I got the new one up. I was poking around at the shop looking for a ladder when the mechanic saw me. When I explained what I was looking for he loaded up a 20' ladder into the service truck, took it to the flag pole and spent the next hour figuring out what had the pully jammed and fixing it.
I brought him bacon, egg & cheese busicuits this morning.

I think that sometimes it's a combination of our unwilingness to admit that we need help, and their fear of being attacked for thinking that we need help.

 

[Carol Dee]

Cane I love how you handles the watchers. LOL
Pine scented angels. I love that.
So glad you brought the mechanic a treat today, he sure deserved one.

 

[canesisters]

Cane I love how you handles the watchers. LOL
Pine scented angels. I love that.
So glad you brought the mechanic a treat today, he sure deserved one.

Thanks. Every once in a great while I think of something good like that. Usually it's HOURS later when I say 'AH! I should've said......."

 

[bobm]

I have helped little old ladies to young children as well as injured /

disabled cross the street, opened doors, helped out with heavy loads, changed that a few tires, etc. and have received gratefull thanks and or smiles many times. Then there are those so called women (feminatzies ) that tear your head off at any hint of any help from a man. ( I worked at a University Vet. Med Teaching Hospital and saw a woman lab tech struggle mightily with a 5 gal. pail of chemicals, I offered to help and I had my head handed to me). Like in the workplace where it is demanded "equal pay for equal work" witch may involve threats of a lawsuit. Men often are in fear of a sexual harassment suit too. ( I was walking on the sidewalk where there was several city workers making repairs to the sidewalk. This woman worker bent over to pick up a 50 lb. sack of cement mix to place it in a wheelbarrow. As she started her pick up the sack, her jeans ripped open in the seat. She started to scream " pervert at the men that were nearby.

 

[so lucky]

Living in a small mid-west community, I would be really surprised if a man didn't offer to help me with some obviously heavy or difficult object. I'm just about in the "little old lady" category, but I probably hold open just as many doors for others, either gender, as are held open for me. To my way of thinking, it goes both ways. But always, a smile and a "thank you."
I have gotten used to carrying/lifting heavy things rather than ask my DH, as he has a bad back and is very careful with it. But I sure don't mind asking others for help when I think I need it.
When I was working and found myself out on country roads frequently, I would sometimes pull over to the side of the road to use my phone or write myself a memo. Always, the local drivers would stop to see if I needed help.
I know lots of men have been snapped at by "feminatzies" but I think just one of those experiences goes a long way, and sours a person from trying to be helpful. Believe me, there are lots more ladies who appreciate a helping hand, than there are those "other" kind of female.

 

[Jared77]

I don't get it. Last winter I stopped at a car that had just slid into the median. It was snowy and I walked over and asked if she was ok. She said she was waiting for her husband to pick her up. I asked how far away he was, she said just a few minutes but I saw her student ID for the college that's 30 minutes away and she was headed that direction. I said its going to be a while for a wrecker to tow her out and said her she shouldn't stay in the car since the exhaust pipe was below the snow and she'd get carbon monoxide poisoning if she was in her too long with the car running. It was evening and the temps were dropping.

I said I know you don't know me but here's my Paramedic ID and my name so give it to your friend when you call and stay on the phone with them and Ill give you a lift to the McDonalds up the road. The exit was within sight so was McDonalds. She called her friend explained the situation and I drove her up there. I dropped her off and she was relieved that I helped her since I'm sure it was going to be a good hour before a wrecker got there.

Few years back I saw 2 guys who'd car had died at a busy intersection. Had my brother, and my wife with me. I was driving. We saw they were struggling to push their car to a safe place. I told my brother to get out, and made my wife follow us with the hazards on while my brother and I helped push their car to the next parking lot so they were safe.

I hold doors for people and I give up my seat to women, children and the elderly without a second thought.

I'm pretty quick to ask if someone appears to be struggling if they need a hand. If they say no, "are you sure?" If they still refuse it that's on them. But at least I asked.

I don't expect anything for it and I'm not trying to brag. To me its just part of being a decent human being. That's how I was raised.

 

[seedcorn]

I don't get it. Last winter I stopped at a car that had just slid into the median. It was snowy and I walked over and asked if she was ok. She said she was waiting for her husband to pick her up. I asked how far away he was, she said just a few minutes but I saw her student ID for the college that's 30 minutes away and she was headed that direction. I said its going to be a while for a wrecker to tow her out and said her she shouldn't stay in the car since the exhaust pipe was below the snow and she'd get carbon monoxide poisoning if she was in her too long with the car running. It was evening and the temps were dropping.

I said I know you don't know me but here's my Paramedic ID and my name so give it to your friend when you call and stay on the phone with them and Ill give you a lift to the McDonalds up the road. The exit was within sight so was McDonalds. She called her friend explained the situation and I drove her up there. I dropped her off and she was relieved that I helped her since I'm sure it was going to be a good hour before a wrecker got there.

Few years back I saw 2 guys who'd car had died at a busy intersection. Had my brother, and my wife with me. I was driving. We saw they were struggling to push their car to a safe place. I told my brother to get out, and made my wife follow us with the hazards on while my brother and I helped push their car to the next parking lot so they were safe.

I hold doors for people and I give up my seat to women, children and the elderly without a second thought.

I'm pretty quick to ask if someone appears to be struggling if they need a hand. If they say no, "are you sure?" If they still refuse it that's on them. But at least I asked.

I don't expect anything for it and I'm not trying to brag. To me its just part of being a decent human being. That's how I was raised.

I hear u Jared. Since my daughter doesn't think (young and too much like her mom), I'm glad there are people out there like you.

 

[Carol Dee]

I just knew Jared would be one of the good people I was referring to here on TEG. I do get offers of help and doors held and I do the same. The small mid-west community So Lucky was talking about. (Those guys must have been imported!)

Actually they kind of redeemed themselves today. I asked if the hose could be moved while I loaded and unloaded. They did so. Then when I returned to pick up empty packers the guy on the roof hollered out for someone to move the hose for me before I was barely out of the cab of the truck. Maybe it just took a sweet tone and polite PLEASE from me. And a big THANKS.

There is hope

 

[digitS']

Sure there is Carol Dee!

Think of what American women have gained, tho'. That's the other side of the coin. Chivalry kind of kept women in "their place." If they ventured out on their own, they might need help. Metaphorical doors were opened in recent decades because there isn't so much of a "place" for women these days.

Now we just need to learn how to be decent human beings .

I am tempted to say something about "construction workers" but we all know that there are good & bad in every group. It is tuff doing that kind of work and if you get a chance to stop & watch someone else . . . you know, there's just a temptation to stand & watch.

I really try to be courteous and while on the road especially. It is dangerous out there! So, what is with all this intimidation nonsense?! Why should a 235 horsepower diesel pickup make 5 times the noise of a 550 horsepower heavy truck?! "Fear This" - offends me every day! And, there are many, many people who drive like that! I just realized the other day that I was choosing arterials because I would have an easier time with a 4-way stop over a 2-way stop and not make someone impatient with my lumbering, loaded pickup. I'm slow - give me a dang break - pickups are built for hauling stuff not for hauling a**!

We are evolving. . . slowly. Nice Guy Marshall claims to be a Neanderthal but some guys aspire to be sub-human.

Steve
is all of that off-topic? got kind of caught up in my own rant . . .