MIL broke her hip!

[journey11]

Oh, that is not good. I think it is more the condition that led to the fall in the first place than the hip replacement itself that starts the decline. They can do an amazing job of putting it back together and she'll recover well if she's strong enough to do the PT.

As difficult as my dad can be at times, i know he could be a lot worse. I'd like to think I'd be as sweet as pie were it me, but I don't know. Prayers for you all as you go through this trying time. Hope you make a smooth transition back into your school time routine.

 

[Gardening with Rabbits]

Take care of yourself. Try to make the best of it. I have 2 different friends that had to make their homes safe and had to install ramps, rails and all kinds of things before the family member was allowed to come home.

 

[canesisters]

Oh dear, I'm so sorry.

 

[Carol Dee]

Thanks for the wise words everyone. And the hugs and prayers. Today I will take a few more outfits to her. And begin the process of cleaning out her apartment. Ugh. Yesterday they worked on arm strength so she can get out of bed, lower herself to commode and stand in walker with less assistance. She has found two friends there already. That will help so much. Well I better get of the computer and get busy..

 

[Smart Red]

@Carol Dee, you sound so much more positive today. See, it really does help when you have someone to vent your worries and frustrations with as well as bounce ideas off of. (Okay trying again. As well as being able to bounce ideas around with friends. Sounded awful ending with a preposition.)

Finding two friends is probably one of the biggest pluses to her future success. I am happy for you both that friends were there. They will keep each other from getting down and encourage their efforts at PT.

My BIL lived with his 88 year old mother while he was with hospice. She was a wonderful woman, but failing eyesight meant cobwebs and dirt in corners. Before son was to be sent home, a welfare visit was required. I spent 4 days cleaning MIL's place from ceiling to floor and back again so the report would be positive.

When MIL returned with son, all she mentioned was that someone had moved her curtains overlooking the river. Yup! That was me, washing them and putting them back up and not adjusting them her way. She never noticed all the rest of what I did, just the curtains.

I was good with her lack of comment. My internal sense of well-being was running on high knowing how valuable my small contribution was to both BIL and MIL's world. Complain all you want here but know you're efforts will make life easier for the people you love -- Spouse and MIL.

 

[so lucky]

@Carol Dee, I just now found this thread. I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. Praying she has a fast and complete recovery.
I think the strange surroundings plus the pain meds cause many many patients to become irrational and delusional. My mother was adamant that a TV crew had come into her hospital room and there was a big commotion over a "Big Black woman with lots of jewelry." After she got out of the hospital that last time, I don't think she had any more delusions, except the one in which she saw Dad standing before her, and wanted to know where he was going. But that was a couple days before she passed, so maybe it wasn't a delusion.

 

[Ridgerunner]

Carol Dee, I'm sure you know lot of us have gone through somewhat similar things with our parents, with different outcomes. I'll give you a brief bit of mine but yours could wind up totally different.

Mom was living at home by herself when she fell. We had people from the State coming in daily to help her (a Tennessee state program at no expense to us). When they could not get in they called 911. Mom wound up in a hospital. Afterwards she went to rehab. She stayed there longer than the 20 days. Talk to the people at rehab that handle that, they should know the state and federal rules. Ours were quite helpful. Mom never made it home, she is in an assisted care facility. I live 12 hours away so I'm basically useless. My brother lives 2 hours away and manages her affairs, money and property. A lot of his vacation days are used taking care of Mom. Our niece lives in the town and has been a Godsend. She and her kids visit regularly and take care of a lot of Mom's day-to-day stuff.

While at the rehab, Mom wanted to go home. She simply could not. She'd call my niece and tell her to come get her and take her home. My niece was used to doing what Grandma said, after all Mom and Dad practically raised her. Now she had to be the adult. It wasn't easy. She was sometimes in tears, but not around Mom. When stuff like that happened she's call my brother's wife, who is really good at calming her down. It's a team effort.

The people at rehab really liked her. She did not curse them, throw things at them, yell at them, or hit them, not like many of the other patients. She'd politely and sweetly listen to them then do whatever she wanted to do, with a smile, of course. They were good with that. She did bring one PT to tears, making false accusations about being abandoned on a piece of exercise equipment. I was there for that one, I really felt sorry for that young girl. But other than that episode, she was pretty well behaved.

When she was moved into assisted care, she wanted to go home. She didn't like it at all. But people were firm so she stayed. After a few weeks she was very happy there. She has friends and really loves the bingo. Of course she still talks about home but nobody believes she really wants to go.

Mom often complains that the niece doesn't come to see her. The niece is there a lot of the times with her when I call Mom. One time Mom complained to my sister that she didn't have any shoes. Her feet had swollen and my brother and sister-in-law had been by earlier that day with three pairs of shoes for her to try on. One pair fit and she liked the style. My sister, who is also a lot of hours away used to get upset from some of the things Mom told her on the phone and made some pretty harsh accusations until she finally learned to check things out. Mom is not always truthful with her or anyone else. It can tear a family apart.

Mom is a bit unusual in that she often has two boys playing in her room that disappear into the wall. Most other people at the assisted care see little girls, not boys. She also has a lot of conversations with my brother who died about 20 years ago.

I received a call last week from Mom. They are going to take me away tonight. This is a pretty consistent theme, even from when she was still living at home. People were always going to come take her away, often to a room where they'd put her in a chair and ask questions. I told her that if she behaved they'd treat her nice. The first time or two this happened I'd call my niece, now I don't bother. They are running out of food at assisted living. Mom, if you look in your cabinet you'll see plenty of food for these emergencies. She never touches that food but insists on having it. They are going to make me leave if I don't help more, do my job. Did you make your bed this morning and pick up the trash in your room? Yes. Then you are doing your job. I think she wants to help wash the dishes.

Mom is actually in good physical condition, considering. But no way could she manage on her own. One huge benefit at assisted care is that they administer her drugs. She used to self-administer when she was home alone. My brother would put her pills in one of those two week schedule things and was frightened when he saw what she took and what she didn't. I think that was his biggest worry, her drugs. She's a lot better off if someone gives her the drugs she needs when she needs them. And sees that she takes them.

Talk to the people at Sam's to see what some of your options are. You may not be limited to 20 days if she is showing progress. Also check with the state of Iowa and see what help they might offer when she goes home. Tennessee would send people by twice a day to clean and do other things when Mom was home alone at no cost. They also paid to change her bathroom so she could get in and out of the shower. You never know what help is out there until you ask.

Many years back they transferred ownership of the farm to my brother. He sold it so with her social security and a lot of help from VA (since Dad was a WWII veteran) money is not a huge issue for her. There should be enough to see her through, even when she has to go to extended care instead of assisted living. He still watches every penny.

I sure wish you luck. I hope she can return home and make It on her own. That would be a good thing. But come here and vent all you want, it does help. You'll find a lot of people on here that understand and care about you, whatever decisions you have to make.

 

[Larisa]

I know how hard it is. And as it is invaluable that has a family where everyone helps each other. When I took care of my old mother in law, she always looked at me with hope. It gave me strength.
Tell her that she has to be patient, to wait out the difficult time and will return home. And all will help her.
Good time did not pass, it merely postponed.

 

[valley ranch]

Wow. Breaking hips ain't good. Hope the healing process goes very well. Give her the "Get Right"!

 

[Carol Dee]

Thanks for all the support and things to think about. She seemed much better again today. Much more alert and cooperative. We will see how it progresses. We thankfully have time to do what ever needs to be done. Thanks again.