My Dad

[Nyboy]

My Business partner died unexpectedly, next day I could not believe everyone coming asking for things. A lady I never seen asked for a oil painting hanging on the wall. I was in a fog no condition to make decisions, his family all thought they where now on easy street. Take all the time you need before deciding what to do.

 

[Collector]

Hang in there and give yourself time to grieve before making any decisions. My mil just passed in sept. DW and I are in charge of the family affairs and it is ongoing. One brother is on drugs and is always badgering DW wife with all of his thoughts and uninformed and un needed opinions. Her oldest brother is getting out of jail next month so I will probably have to have a talk with him also about his limits and what I will and will not tolerate. I think you on the righteous path, keep on keeping on.

 

[Smart Red]

I haven't been on line for several days. I am sorry to hear of your loss. Sorry for you and yours. For your father, I'm sure he is in a better, happier place now.

In Wisconsin we have a year FROM THE DAY WE FILE INTESTATE to close an estate. Don't be in a hurry to make big decisions so soon. Take some time to grieve and plan.

Hugs and more for you at this time.

 

[thistlebloom]

I'm so glad your brother was not disruptive and you got to remember your dads life and love peacefully.

Sometimes dealing with the estate can be more stressful than handling a loved ones illness and passing. I hope all involved give you some space to grieve and no one gets pushy and greedy.

 

[Rhodie Ranch]

I'm so sorry that people/family are greedy. For God's Sake, please leave you alone to gather your thoughts and actions.

 

[journey11]

I started on the fiduciary business today. Should be pretty straight forward, I guess. I plan to take my time as much as possible. I have a few things at my house i need to attend to first anyway. The lady didn't mention today any deadline to complete it. I'll have to find out more. There's just us 3 kids, no second spouse or anything. My dad has only a small amount of debt from his medical bills (hit the out-of-pocket max pretty early on). He had one claim on last year that hit stop-loss. Hopefully none for this year, but I will find out. Stop-loss claims can get tied up for nearly a year. Your insurance is obligated to pay them, but they make you wait and deal with bills coming from the provider until they get reimbursed from their secondary insurance.

My brother has been pretty busy dealing with his crazy girlfriend. He tried to kick her out and she busted out the window on his car, busted the door knob off the front door, broke his stuff, shredded his clothes and things. I think karma has a bone to pick with him! Ha. They are both tied up in drugs and some other felonious activities and have so much dirt on the other, they can't part ways.

I've been really sad just thinking about everything the past few days, missing Dad, where he is not in his place. Every time I cook something good, it makes me sad, because for so long I had always saved him a plate too. He had such a good appetite the whole time, really enjoyed home cooking. It was so cute and my sister and I got a kick out of one-upping each other on his favorites.

I'm sad that we'll have to sell his farm that he loved, so many good memories out there, but I think he would want it sold anyway. That was what he told my mom, anyway. He didn't do a will. I didn't push him to, because I felt the tumor had affected his short-term memory and some cognitive abilities and he was very uncertain of things after that. I felt if he couldn't initiate it himself, it wouldn't be right to make him do it and could be questionable. I had hoped my brother would turn around and do right by him also. It shouldn't cause me too much extra trouble given the circumstances. I have to be bonded and insured though because he didn't name me or whoever. My sister doesn't want to do it, not able. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to put up for bond though. Maybe my grandparents will vouch for me on that. I just hope the other two will not argue over everything or hassle me over how things are done.

 

[Nyboy]

Journey our brothers could have been twins right down to crazy girlfriend destroying things when asked to leave.

 

[Ridgerunner]

Dad's been dead for 14 years, would have been 100 this December. It does get easier with time, but go through the grieving process as you need to. We all have different needs when it comes to that.

Somebody mentioned seeing a lawyer. That might not be a bad idea. Each state has its own laws on how to settle an estate when no will is involved. How big the estate is can make a difference too. With the farm you may be dealing with a fair amount of value so you may meet some threshold. Settle debts, pay taxes, collect insurance, value the estate, I don't know all that you have to do. Keep track of your expenses, you can probably reimburse yourself before the estate is split between the three of you. With a brother like you describe you need to protect yourself against a possible lawsuit. Make sure you know the law and follow it.

Mom's still alive in a nursing home. Years ago my parents signed the farm over to my brother, he's been managing Mom's affairs since she couldn't. He's sold off parts of the farm over time to pay her bills, there's only the house and a couple of acres left but he should have enough money to last her. He's very meticulous on keeping track of expenses and shares what he is doing with the rest of us. If he has to he'll sell that house too, though a niece is trying to raise the money to buy it. She's living in it now. Since she takes good care of Mom, goes in to see her every day and takes care of her personal needs, she gets to live in the house for a pretty small rent. Mom would be pretty miserable without her and her kids visiting regularly.

There were five kids though two are dead. That leaves a spouse and some kids plus the three survivors. It will be messy when Mom dies, it already is. Some people aren't happy the niece gets cheap housing and have been pretty cruel to her. Mom doesn't help either with some of the stories she tells that I know are not true. My brother's wife has helped the niece through a lot of emotions there, she's gone through that process too. As open as he has been about the money and how it is being spent, some people expect a huge windfall when he converts everything to money and splits it five ways.

Enough about me, it's just that these things can be hard. Just take your time and protect yourself.

 

[Carol Dee]

Some good advice has been offered already. Take care of yourself. Grieve as you need. Big hugs.

 

[thistlebloom]

My sister is a lot like you Journey. I would have handled the tangled mess of mom and dads estate (no wills there either, unless you count the phoney one the evil sibling forged) but she insisted, and has always been the take charge personality.

I know it was hard on her, and it took two years, but she kept track of all her expenses and my brothers and I compensated her. She also was able to claim her expenses against the estate. The shame was that evil sibling got her 1/5 of the remainder even though she and her cronies also stole all the money from mom and dads bank accounts.

Hopefully yours will go much smoother. It's just hard doing all of the legal necessities while the grieving is still so raw.
Time makes it a little easier, but the missing them never goes away.