Somehow, It's Funny that Way

[digitS']

An Ellipsis Walks Into A Bar

…​

 

[Pulsegleaner]

I don't know if this is funny or just pathetically sad.

About a month ago, I found and purchase a pair of anthologies of supernatural/horror stories off of eBay. I had already read one but had not read the other and as both were collectibles now (see below). I thought it was a good investment.

Finally, this morning, after having gone thought all of the various newspapers and magazines I get each month, I was finally read to start reading the new book.

No here's the sad part, I'm having trouble working out when and where I CAN read the book. Reading it in bed is no longer viable; I'm so tired now that I basically conk out almost as soon as I get in ( and never wake up long enough in the middle of the night to do more than stagger to the bathroom and back. And I'm STILL exhausted when I get up in the morning. Ditto just sitting down, if I don't have something I HAVE to do, I'll probably nod off in a few seconds.

That leaves the only place I DO still read a lot, in the bathroom. But the thing is, I don't want to take THIS book in there; it's too risky. The book is long out of print, and since it also has a dustjacket by Edward Gorey, it's not highly collectible, and I don't want to risk damaging it.

So I think it will be a LONG time before I actually get to finish this one.

 

[flowerbug]

...
No here's the sad part, I'm having trouble working out when and where I CAN read the book. Reading it in bed is no longer viable; I'm so tired now that I basically conk out almost as soon as I get in ( and never wake up long enough in the middle of the night to do more than stagger to the bathroom and back. And I'm STILL exhausted when I get up in the morning. Ditto just sitting down, if I don't have something I HAVE to do, I'll probably nod off in a few seconds.

That leaves the only place I DO still read a lot, in the bathroom. But the thing is, I don't want to take THIS book in there; it's too risky. The book is long out of print, and since it also has a dustjacket by Edward Gorey, it's not highly collectible, and I don't want to risk damaging it.

So I think it will be a LONG time before I actually get to finish this one.

it sounds like perhaps you have sleep apnea?

 

[Pulsegleaner]

it sounds like perhaps you have sleep apnea?

No, what I have is extreme depression and low energy.

And ultimately, it doesn't really MATTER what I have, since I no I am NOT going to get any sort of treatment or help with it as long as I have my current doctor, since she thinks that the answer to EVERY complaint I have is "lose weight even faster, exercise even more, and get maximum restriction gastric sleeve surgery as quickly as possible.) In her mind, if I get to the point where each day consists of sleeping, working, exercising, and absolutely NOTHING else, I'm at the point where I should be.

 

[peteyfoozer]

No, what I have is extreme depression and low energy.

And ultimately, it doesn't really MATTER what I have, since I no I am NOT going to get any sort of treatment or help with it as long as I have my current doctor, since she thinks that the answer to EVERY complaint I have is "lose weight even faster, exercise even more, and get maximum restriction gastric sleeve surgery as quickly as possible.) In her mind, if I get to the point where each day consists of sleeping, working, exercising, and absolutely NOTHING else, I'm at the point where I should be.

That in itself, would be enough to cause depression. Can you find another doctor? That said, I had sleeve done a couple years ago and am so glad! Wish I had done it sooner.

 

[ducks4you]

I don't know if this is funny or just pathetically sad.

About a month ago, I found and purchase a pair of anthologies of supernatural/horror stories off of eBay. I had already read one but had not read the other and as both were collectibles now (see below). I thought it was a good investment.

Finally, this morning, after having gone thought all of the various newspapers and magazines I get each month, I was finally read to start reading the new book.

No here's the sad part, I'm having trouble working out when and where I CAN read the book. Reading it in bed is no longer viable; I'm so tired now that I basically conk out almost as soon as I get in ( and never wake up long enough in the middle of the night to do more than stagger to the bathroom and back. And I'm STILL exhausted when I get up in the morning. Ditto just sitting down, if I don't have something I HAVE to do, I'll probably nod off in a few seconds.

That leaves the only place I DO still read a lot, in the bathroom. But the thing is, I don't want to take THIS book in there; it's too risky. The book is long out of print, and since it also has a dustjacket by Edward Gorey, it's not highly collectible, and I don't want to risk damaging it.

So I think it will be a LONG time before I actually get to finish this one.

Put them on the table next to your tv watching chair (or in your home office, if you have one.)
Usually SOMEBODY else starts watching something you don't care about, and you can keep them company while readying something Far more insteresting.
I also keep what looks like a small stool with storage and I have sewing stuff in there, so I can do repairs while (NOT) watching something.

 

[Pulsegleaner]

That in itself, would be enough to cause depression. Can you find another doctor? That said, I had sleeve done a couple years ago and am so glad! Wish I had done it sooner.

Perhaps, but that doctor would refer to my current one and probably do more or less the same things (I'm tied to my medical center, so I can't get one outside of it.)

There is also the fact that, since I am also in treatment for my depression (which isn't going so well), I always have the concern that, if I get too vociferous in my objections (or out and out refuse to do anything the doctor suggests) she could respond by trying to see if she can get the therapist/psychiatrist to declare me unfit to take care of myself and or a danger to myself, so they can commit me to a mental hospital and do whatever they want to me without my permission (my parents keep telling me that they legally can do that, but my mind always works on the assumption that, if an evil person wants to do a thing, they will invariably find a way to do it, no matter WHAT the law says.)

Put them on the table next to your tv watching chair (or in your home office, if you have one.)
Usually SOMEBODY else starts watching something you don't care about, and you can keep them company while readying something Far more insteresting.
I also keep what looks like a small stool with storage and I have sewing stuff in there, so I can do repairs while (NOT) watching something.

I watch TV alone. Plus, I need quiet to concentrate. And in any case, as I said, if I sit down and am not actively watching, or doing something else, I'll nod off almost immediately.

 

[flowerbug]

That in itself, would be enough to cause depression. Can you find another doctor?

yes, when a doctor stops being helpful it is time to find another.

That said, I had sleeve done a couple years ago and am so glad! Wish I had done it sooner.

i'm glad it helped you.

 

[flowerbug]

i hope you can get out of what you're in, but at a distance most of us here can only provide limited support and listen if you can write, but we cannot really be what you need which is likely some kind of intervention and a change of habitat for a while.

 

[Pulsegleaner]

i hope you can get out of what you're in, but at a distance most of us here can only provide limited support and listen if you can write, but we cannot really be what you need which is likely some kind of intervention and a change of habitat for a while.

I really wasn't planning to turn this into a discussion of my life, just a story about a book.

In order to straighten out my life, I first have to figure out what I want my life to be, What I WAN'T out of my life isn't necessarily what it is GOOD for me to get out of it. That's actually one of the problems I have in telling her no on things like gastric sleeve surgery. It isn't so much that I think it is unnecessary, it's that I don't think it would do enough to make any difference. Likewise the idea of a life of nothing but dieting, work, and exercise. Yes, a life like that would be utterly joyless and devoid of pleasure, but maybe that is actually the problem, my refusal to admit that my life SHOULD be utterly free of joy and pleasure. The question of what justifies your life does not have any one set answer, and what seems a pointless life to one person may seem to be the correct way to live to another. Even questions of moderation are subject to interpretation. Maybe, instead of striving to be happy, I should be training myself to reach the point of simply not caring if I'm happy or not. To some people that sounds like a nightmare, to others, it's the literal definition of Nirvana.