The Most Beautiful Flower

[Zeedman]

I am a very private person by nature, so have shared only snippets of my personal life on this or any other forum. Most of those were frequent mentions of my DW, and the gardening we did together. But this is such a wonderful community, and having shared joys and sorrows with many here who I consider to be great friends, it feels right for me to share my feelings here. I'm still not ready to converse at length about what happened, but thought it best to begin anyway, rather than to derail anyone else's thread.

45 years ago, 9000 miles away, a beautiful flower entered my life. I knew from the moment we met that I wanted to spend my life tending that flower; and that flower deeply wanted to share its beauty with me. Our love blossomed into a family. There were times of trial when that flower wilted, but I loved it, and it loved me, and together we could always coax that flower back into full bloom, more radiant than before. Truth be told, over the years, the beautiful flower I tended was really tending me. It nurtured me with endless, selfless love, taught me the meaning of faith and forgiveness, and turned an angry, broken 21 year old into a good father and (mostly) good husband. This year, with my retirement & covid mostly past us, I was able to give that beautiful flower my full attention, and after 45 years, our love grew even deeper than I thought possible. It was true and complete happiness.

On April 7th, I drove DW to a doctor's appointment. Unknown to either of us, that would be our last drive together. The appointment turned into a transfer to the ER, endless testing, transfer to a larger hospital 90 miles away, and both DD & I following the ambulance down. DD took leave from her job, we both moved into a Milwaukee hotel, and were at Elena's side for the duration. On April 25th, despite all the medical efforts that I could bring to bear, and the boundless love and prayers bestowed on her by family & friends, that Most Beautiful Flower returned to the Master Gardener which placed it in my care 45 years ago.

My DW Elena was laid to eternal rest May 3rd, and I am still dealing with grief, and settling final affairs. The faith she inspired in me is my only compass. Many family, friends, and parishioners are trying to comfort me... but an angel-shaped hole is hard to fill. For now, a photo of DW and I in happier times.

 

[baymule]

Words are not enough. Words cannot fill the emptiness in your life. Words are small comfort when the love of your life is gone.

But knowing that you are cherished and loved by friends that you will never meet, does kinda fill you with a warm loved feeling. I have tears in my eyes, grief for you and the loss of your beautiful wife, your partner, the love of your life. 45 years. Where did time go? It ended all too soon. I know you were not ready for that, we never are. About the best we can do is try to pick up the broken pieces of our life and try to find solace in knowing how blessed we were. For ever how long we had them, it wasn’t long enough.

Life is still good. It’s not like it was, but we have to find our peaceful place and be grateful for being so loved for so long. Give thanks to God every day for blessing you with such a rare and beautiful flower that enriched your life so greatly.

My heart goes out to you. Thanks for sharing this with us. It is not easy. Big hugs my friend.

 

[baymule]

Just want you to know, you are with friends here. Sometimes it’s hard to explain your feelings to friends and family. You can come here and pour it all out. We will listen.

 

[Phaedra]

Big hug, and we will be here for you.

 

[Rhodie Ranch]

GASP! Tears in my eyes for the sad news, and for you especially. She's with the Master Gardener made a huge lump in my throat.
Bay's words were so elegant and borne from her loss of BJ.
Hey Elena up in heaven!! - know that we've got your loving husband in our hearts, our thoughts and our prayers. We will watch over him here on this forum, encouraging his love for you and for gardening.

 

[Cosmo spring garden]

I am so sorry!

You and your family will be in my prayers. Like baymule said, you have friends here and we will listen.

 

[digitS']

Be strong
And, rest
There is no need to climb the mountain
No need to take up every burden
Take some time to sigh, to rest
And, there will come a time
When light will fill your sky
And, you will see your way

my hope and wish for you

 

[meadow]

What a beautiful tribute for your dearest love. My heart breaks for your loss.

Whenever you feel the need, this is a safe place to express yourself. We care about you and we are here for you.

 

[flowerbug]

i'm more like the big rock with graffiti. i've been warmed by the sun, i'm there, you can lean on me if you want. i'm not too expressive emotionally, especially if i'm not sure what to do. i'm better to lean on and feel that i'm there, but i often won't find the right words and feel it's better for me to just shut up. which i'm not doing in this post. i don't mind if you write your names on me, bits of color or pictures and dates. the warmth i've been given i'll give back and more if i can.

i'm glad you have family and your local community to help, i'm also glad that you could bring yourself to share Elena with us as you could and also trust us enough to listen now.

 

[pjn]

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute.
may the Lord comfort you during this time of grief.