PennyJo
Deeply Rooted
@Smart Red not easy to learn to be not only retired but alone
seek out those that fill voids we will all be here to listen also
seek out those that fill voids we will all be here to listen also
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Nyboy
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My father goes to local senior center every weekday for their $3 lunch. He meets his group of friends there. After lunch they do something as a group.
Nyboy
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My reply was to Red about all of a sudden having to live alone
Smart Red
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@seedcorn, my Spouse passed away unexpectedly August 8 at home with me at his side. It was far too soon for me, but it was not a bad thing. He was frustrated at not being able to do what he'd always done and the outlook for living with Alzheimer's was not something he was looking forward to doing.
Clayton had often told me he wanted to die working. His death -- the result of a stroke after working outside in the 90+ heat -- was pretty darned close and probably just what he wanted. Leaving like that was one of few ways he had left to take care for me and remove the stress and pain of a steady but prolonged decline into inevitable, irreversible dementia.
I found Clayton on the floor breathing but unresponsive Saturday afternoon August 6th about 3:00 and called 911. At the hospital, they said the bleeding damage to his brain caused by the stroke was too severe to expect any improvement so according to his known wishes we disconnected all life support.
Clayton came back to the home we'd built together on Sunday morning. We shared a last night together before he passed away Monday morning as he was being bathed by a hospice aide. As I said, it was totally unexpected and far too soon for me -- I feel we could have had many more good times together -- but it was not really a bad thing.
Each day took a part of him away from us all. I dreaded the thought of the grandchildren forgetting the wonderful man he was and remembering only the shadow of himself as Alzheimer's progressed.
I really think that was his plan -- to work himself to death. There were times even years before that that thought occurred to me when he was working so hard on days sensible men stayed in the AC. Certainly there was always plenty of work to do inside on hot days. After his fall and diagnosis two years ago we realized he had known something was wrong years before we did and was well-adept at hiding the symptoms.
As much as I tried I couldn't stop him from going outside and working in the heat. He would argue that I wanted him to sit down and die -- that he was worthless. He needed to be working, doing something all the time. It was a part of him being himself from the day we met.
The best I could do was force regular breaks to keep him hydrated. On the Friday before, I went out with drinks to find he (and his clothes) had become so wet from sweating that I dragged him inside for a cooling shower and a change of clothes THREE times in the course of the day. Everything clear down to his socks were dripping when removed and still he refused to stay inside.
After his third shower I convinced him it was time to get something to eat so we went out for supper and ended up visiting two of his sisters until it was dark otherwise I'm sure we would have had another shower before the day was over.
We took care of each other for 43+ years, and in the end this was Clayton at his best taking care of me -- saving me from a long painful journey with that terrible illness.
We had been discussing our son and his family moving here to help care for Dad as it was a 24/7 job and help was needed so I could get some rest. With Clayton gone, the two youngest grandchildren still wanted to go ahead with the plans.
Maverick (15) moved in last weekend and Gypsy (14 in Dec.) is planning to be in by the first weekend of November. Now they can ride the bus to school as well as from school as they've been doing for so many years. Maverick is also happy to be closer to his school friends, but is morning the loss of the really fast internet he'd had. Gypsy, however, is more outgoing and has friends both at school and in the neighborhood she lives so I think she will find the move a bit harder. Still, until mom and dad join us, she will be able to keep up with the friends in town.
The timeline for mom and dad moving in is still in the discussion stage. It's a big change for son's wife even though she's always known his plans to live here someday. I'm sure someday didn't include me being here, too, until Clayton needed extra care. I'm good with letting them figure everything out for now while I enjoy having Maverick and Gypsy around.
It is not that you missed something. I didn't exactly tell everyone. A few things I did say along with my avatar change led a few members to ask what had happened.
I miss him so much.
Clayton had often told me he wanted to die working. His death -- the result of a stroke after working outside in the 90+ heat -- was pretty darned close and probably just what he wanted. Leaving like that was one of few ways he had left to take care for me and remove the stress and pain of a steady but prolonged decline into inevitable, irreversible dementia.
I found Clayton on the floor breathing but unresponsive Saturday afternoon August 6th about 3:00 and called 911. At the hospital, they said the bleeding damage to his brain caused by the stroke was too severe to expect any improvement so according to his known wishes we disconnected all life support.
Clayton came back to the home we'd built together on Sunday morning. We shared a last night together before he passed away Monday morning as he was being bathed by a hospice aide. As I said, it was totally unexpected and far too soon for me -- I feel we could have had many more good times together -- but it was not really a bad thing.
Each day took a part of him away from us all. I dreaded the thought of the grandchildren forgetting the wonderful man he was and remembering only the shadow of himself as Alzheimer's progressed.
I really think that was his plan -- to work himself to death. There were times even years before that that thought occurred to me when he was working so hard on days sensible men stayed in the AC. Certainly there was always plenty of work to do inside on hot days. After his fall and diagnosis two years ago we realized he had known something was wrong years before we did and was well-adept at hiding the symptoms.
As much as I tried I couldn't stop him from going outside and working in the heat. He would argue that I wanted him to sit down and die -- that he was worthless. He needed to be working, doing something all the time. It was a part of him being himself from the day we met.
The best I could do was force regular breaks to keep him hydrated. On the Friday before, I went out with drinks to find he (and his clothes) had become so wet from sweating that I dragged him inside for a cooling shower and a change of clothes THREE times in the course of the day. Everything clear down to his socks were dripping when removed and still he refused to stay inside.
After his third shower I convinced him it was time to get something to eat so we went out for supper and ended up visiting two of his sisters until it was dark otherwise I'm sure we would have had another shower before the day was over.
We took care of each other for 43+ years, and in the end this was Clayton at his best taking care of me -- saving me from a long painful journey with that terrible illness.
We had been discussing our son and his family moving here to help care for Dad as it was a 24/7 job and help was needed so I could get some rest. With Clayton gone, the two youngest grandchildren still wanted to go ahead with the plans.
Maverick (15) moved in last weekend and Gypsy (14 in Dec.) is planning to be in by the first weekend of November. Now they can ride the bus to school as well as from school as they've been doing for so many years. Maverick is also happy to be closer to his school friends, but is morning the loss of the really fast internet he'd had. Gypsy, however, is more outgoing and has friends both at school and in the neighborhood she lives so I think she will find the move a bit harder. Still, until mom and dad join us, she will be able to keep up with the friends in town.
The timeline for mom and dad moving in is still in the discussion stage. It's a big change for son's wife even though she's always known his plans to live here someday. I'm sure someday didn't include me being here, too, until Clayton needed extra care. I'm good with letting them figure everything out for now while I enjoy having Maverick and Gypsy around.
It is not that you missed something. I didn't exactly tell everyone. A few things I did say along with my avatar change led a few members to ask what had happened.
I miss him so much.
PennyJo
Deeply Rooted
My Mom is now in a home my step Dad passed almost 3 years ago I am sure
she wanted to pass to be with him and Dr's prolonged her life when they plugged
feeding tubes against her wishes my brother has power of attorney but
said he couldn't find it in time? so now she lives with dementia in home
she wanted to pass to be with him and Dr's prolonged her life when they plugged
feeding tubes against her wishes my brother has power of attorney but
said he couldn't find it in time? so now she lives with dementia in home
baymule
Garden Master
Big hugs Red. Your loss is felt by every one of us. We all love you and if you have a dark moment, we are here for you, collectively as a group, or you can PM any one of us and we will be here for you. I am so sad for you.
so lucky
Garden Master
@Smart Red , I appreciate your post, as I have been wondering about you and how you are doing since your DH's passing. Isn't it thought-provoking to look back and wonder if he consciously knew he was working himself to death, or if it was something innate that he wouldn't have been able to identify? He must have been a wonderful person, and I'm glad to have known a little about him through you.
Now is a good time to take up some of those hobbies and interests that you didn't have time for/didn't want to take the time for when you were taking care of your husband. Although, having the grands there gives you a good reason to fire up the pots and pans again. Cooking for teenagers could be a full-time job, I think.
It's hard to make friends as adults. So glad that you have your BFF close.
Now is a good time to take up some of those hobbies and interests that you didn't have time for/didn't want to take the time for when you were taking care of your husband. Although, having the grands there gives you a good reason to fire up the pots and pans again. Cooking for teenagers could be a full-time job, I think.
It's hard to make friends as adults. So glad that you have your BFF close.
seedcorn
Garden Master
Being male, I'm not very perceptive. Sorry for your loss. Feel your pain as my Dad also died of Alzheimer's. He quit eating. Less than 4 months later I buried my mom. Noone will ever convince me Dad didn't know.
This disease is terrible on all concerned. Glad your 2 have moved in to keep you busy.
This disease is terrible on all concerned. Glad your 2 have moved in to keep you busy.
majorcatfish
Garden Master
@Smart Red we are sorry for your loss. consider yourself hugged
xoxo
xoxo
