Beekissed
Garden Master
My Dad is in a nursing home for a type of dementia as well and Mom is showing signs of dementia now too. She'll be cared for by me in her own home, but Dad could not be due to Mom's presence and his other problems that caused him to be a danger to her and to himself. She was trying to manage him at home during the "I can still drive" fight and all the paranoia and behaviors...that didn't work and soon she was spending most days in a fetal position in the bed, just to protect herself, both physically and mentally. Us kids stepped in and got the ball rolling to having him placed where they could manage his behaviors.
Later, after those were well managed, he progressed to a nursing home. There's no way she could have taken care of him at home, either in the stages Red describes here or even now when he's more mellow...she would not have survived under that level of stress. Nor could I have managed them both, even having been a nurse for nigh 20 yrs with huge experience with the elderly and dementia.
Now she and I travel two times a month to stay over night for a couple of days where he is placed. We cut his hair, treat his skin conditions, trim his nails...basically give his bodily needs and care a good going over. She feeds him his meals, I discuss his care with the staff and make decisions about his medical care, suggestions on his care plans, etc.
This gives her a time to still be with him but not so much that it stresses her out, she still gets to nurture him and love on him but without the bad times mixed in, and I get a chance to manage them both adequately. Even as a nurse I would never have tried to manage Dad at home, though....he was just not one that could be managed in a home setting, even by a nurse.
Later, after those were well managed, he progressed to a nursing home. There's no way she could have taken care of him at home, either in the stages Red describes here or even now when he's more mellow...she would not have survived under that level of stress. Nor could I have managed them both, even having been a nurse for nigh 20 yrs with huge experience with the elderly and dementia.
Now she and I travel two times a month to stay over night for a couple of days where he is placed. We cut his hair, treat his skin conditions, trim his nails...basically give his bodily needs and care a good going over. She feeds him his meals, I discuss his care with the staff and make decisions about his medical care, suggestions on his care plans, etc.
This gives her a time to still be with him but not so much that it stresses her out, she still gets to nurture him and love on him but without the bad times mixed in, and I get a chance to manage them both adequately. Even as a nurse I would never have tried to manage Dad at home, though....he was just not one that could be managed in a home setting, even by a nurse.
