Family history

[Just-Moxie]

Thanks for every ones replies. I have been reading a caregiver email now for 2 years, and looking into anything local for myself. I am also a member of AARP, as I figure it can have some helpful tips.

Stepmom had no other relatives living, by the time she passed away at age 91. So no worries for probate on that side. My family is myself and 2 other sisters. The oldest, Dad asked her to be executor. That works for me, as she has the best experience to handle it. The other sister, has some sort of mental deficit, so it will be up to us 2 sisters to help her if or when she needs it.

Middle sister, my age, was the one who took car of mom from 97-'03 when she passed. Now it is my turn. I am the only one available of us 3 who has the situation to be able to help. So, per his request, I moved in with him. Of course there will be emotional speed bumps......but, that is life.

 

[baymule]

My sister wanted nothing to do with our mother, neither did my brother, but he was ill and dying. So it all fell to me. When it go to be too much, i'd call my sister and rant and rave. LOL Our mother was horrible to my sister, shipped her off to the Aunts in Louisiana the day after school let out for the summer and brought her back home a week before school started in the fall. Mom didn't like kids, she didn't even like her kids. My older sister she openly disliked, my brother she tolerated and me she pretty much ignored.

I was executor of her will and trust. I carried out her wishes with full disclosure to my sister who was relieved that she didn't have to. I split my brother's share between his wife and daughter. haha, I had to have all the heirs signatures on a document. All of them lived hours and hours away from me, so I called them and told them to sign a paper, take a picture and text it to me, I would "practice" then sigh their names. They did, I did and I mailed the document. Granted, this could only be accomplished with everyone in agreement.

 

[digitS']

Dad had a good neighbor who did a lot for him during the final decade of his life. Dad relied on him for a great number of things.

The neighbor was over trying to sort some things out for Dad, he had some past legal problems, cared about Dad, and was trusted. It finally evolved into a mini lecture about how Dad had brought so much of this on himself. I knew that Dad was having none of it. He said nothing but when Dad left the room for a few minutes, I turned to the neighbor and said, "he's going to dump it on us." The neighbor replied that they usually do.

Dad said nothing about this for days but I could tell that he was angry about it. He did nothing to move off of top dead center. At 101, it was really like he expected to live forever. As though, he had learned in his long life that it really didn't matter what others thought or did - time would stand still. Of course, it didn't.

The ball is entirely in other's court but that doesn't mean time is standing still as Dad's family just stands by. What it does mean is that thousands of Dad's estate are going and have gone to his lawyers. If the conflict on the other side doesn't reach some reasonable outcome in a reasonable amount of time - I really don't know what will happen with the estate. It just seems to be eroding away.

Steve, who has only met one (briefly) of these "step brothers, sister, & a nephew" who are fighting it out among themselves. how's that for ironic?

 

[Just-Moxie]

Omg Steve. Family drama. There aren't many of us family members left these days. At least no one with any direct say to Dad's estate. He is giving each of his G-kids $500.00. No more. And only 2 of us girls even had children.

 

[flowerbug]

i'm not looking forward to any of it when it happens, but i do know Mom's wishes and plan on standing by them.

i'm sorry @digitS' about the step-family drama - i guess you can be glad you're not one of them.

 

[Ridgerunner]

There is often drama when a parent passes. The last one is usually worse because that is when inheritance kicks in, but it can happen with the first. Wills can help a lot. There can still be drama but it at least makes clear what the wishes were.

I anticipate drama when Mom passes, even with a will. I won't go into details on social media but I can see it coming, even if there is not much to fight over. I anticipated more when my wife's mom passed. Luckily that went pretty smoothly.

 

[Rhodie Ranch]

Mother has a trust - A and B trust. Its all iron clad, and the other side of the "family" (my step dad's) can just wait their hiney's forever. Afterall, Mother's mother lived to 100.5 and so probably will my Mother.

 

[digitS']

I was talking to an elderly woman after Dad moved into assisted living. She was a long-time school teacher and, in her eighties, still volunteers at a school several days each week. Her husband has dementia and she is his caregiver.

She told me of a friend in a similar circumstance. The friend had to have more care herself and she and her two children made some decisions.

Within a little over a week, home furnishings and car had been sold, the house had been placed on the market, and the parents moved into assisted living in a city 300 miles away and close to the son and daughter's home.

Good Heavens!

@moxies_chickienuggets , you may be experiencing how declining physical and mental health and understandable anxiety lead to results beyond the control of the family.

I wrote and deleted several paragraphs but it probably did me good to write them.

digitS'
you're going to find your way to Heaven is a rough and rocky road,
if you don't stop and smell the roses along the way

 

[baymule]

Steve, I am sorry your step family is such a bunch of losers. Squabbling amongst themselves over material possessions, I call it vultures picking the bones of the dead. Ugly people bickering over things as the prize pile grows smaller. Greed is ugly.

 

[so lucky]

Things went pretty smoothly regarding my parents' passing and the distribution of their belongings. Most everything was taken care of before Dad got to that "Change Nothing!" phase.
My DH's family was a whole 'nother matter, and dragged out for years, with hard feelings all around. DH has only spoken to his one brother once in the last three years. And he lives in the same town. I think the frosty feelings are mutual all around, lol. These are two guys who used to never go a day without talking on the phone or in person.
Steve, I feel for you, having to sit on the sidelines while this mess goes on. Since your dad was the one who was holding things up by stubbornness, one would think that, now that he is gone, the other parties would try to at least declare a truce. I wish you luck in that, in the new year.