Funeral arrangements.....

[thistlebloom]

My mom and dad passed away 56 days apart. They both had prepaid cremation plans set up. But because of the massive problems caused by one dysfunctional sibling the 4 remaining sibs were not able to attend moms memorial service and dad didn't receive one.
And the funeral home where they were cremated got the message that somehow was cast in stone that the 4 remaining (out of state) siblings were not to have access to the remains. (It's beyond comprehension how this compulsive liar and destructive person can get so many people on her side, but she's a master manipulator and it happens over and over).
Anyway, what I wanted to say was that a memorial service would have been a balm to my sorrow. To have the opportunity to share a few sweet memories of my parents character and hear others do the same would have been a blessing sorely needed at that time. To acknowledge their lives, that even though they are like a vapor, they had substance and meaning to a few and they were loved and greatly missed.

I'm not into open caskets and fancy ceremonies for those who have died. But a gathering together in their honor to respect their journey here is, in my opinion good for those they touched.

 

[so lucky]

You said that very well, Thistle. I am so sorry you did not get the chance to have that memorial gathering for your parents. What a nightmare to go through.

 

[journey11]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that the viewing itself is a bad thing at all. I just meant that I've seen some people tend to behave in a way that I feel is disrespectful or inappropriate for the occasion. Not every viewing or funeral I've attended has seen that occur. I don't know, maybe some people find being flippant helps them cope.

 

[thistlebloom]

Oh, maybe I was misunderstood, @journey11 . I wasn't replying to anything you have said, and maybe you aren't responding to mine....I was just giving my two cents worth to the general discussion.

 

[seedcorn]

@Nyboy Right there with you. Take whatever parts they wAnt, burn the rest. When government agents aren't looking, throw the ashes to the wind.

Told kids, whenever convenient, throw a party. No tears, tell tall tales about me. Eat, drink, party. I'm in a better place...

For those who don't feel that way, ok. Whatever you need to get you through it.

 

[Nyboy]

I was very lucky when my mom died both of my sisters handled everything. I was shocked when I walked in and they had a open casket, my mother had along illness and didn't look good at end. but I kept my mouth shut.

 

[so lucky]

Except in the cases where a child has passed, or someone incredibly young, it seems to me that the people who carry on the most at funerals are the ones who have unresolved issues with the deceased. Grown children or siblings who had not apologized or been forgiven, spouses whose last discussions were not loving .....it's suddenly too late to make that better.
Of course, I am speaking from a place in which both my parents' deaths were expected, and sort of a relief to all concerned. We had made our peace, as much as possible.
Some cultures do a lot of wailing. I think that might help!

 

[buckabucka]

DH's dad was our last living parent, and he also wanted no funeral, no obituary, etc. He wanted to be cremated and buried in a reserved plot next to his wife.

We followed his wishes, but when it came time for the burial, DH called the cemetery and they asked, "what do you have the ashes in"?
DH told them they were in a cardboard box. They told him we were required to have a metal urn from the funeral home ($500).

Fortunately, DH is a quick thinker. He replied, "Well, I have his tackle box. That's metal..." And then he quickly launched into stories about how much his dad loved fishing in the area, before the cemetery guy could respond. The guy finally said, "I suppose a tackle box would do".

It was just the two of them on burial day. Cemetery guy dug the hole, and DH lowered the tackle box in. DH's dad would have been just tickled!

 

[Carol Dee]

@buckabucka the tackle box was PERFECT.

 

[baymule]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that the viewing itself is a bad thing at all. I just meant that I've seen some people tend to behave in a way that I feel is disrespectful or inappropriate for the occasion. Not every viewing or funeral I've attended has seen that occur. I don't know, maybe some people find being flippant helps them cope.

I agree with you on that, you didn't imply anything wrong at all.