Smart Red
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Thanks!
Garden humor thread..
- Thread starter desertlady
- Start date
bobm
Garden Master
a
canesisters
Garden Master
canesisters
Garden Master
majorcatfish
Garden Master
Nyboy
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Cane I used to do that when i had chickens,they loved doggy bags.
This is a tad long... hope it hasn't been posted before.
A herder named Bud was overseeing his animals in a remote mountainous pasture in Nevada when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
Bud looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The man parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.
He watches the man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the Bud says to the man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required..” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. …”
“Now give me back my dog.”
A herder named Bud was overseeing his animals in a remote mountainous pasture in Nevada when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
Bud looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The man parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.
He watches the man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the Bud says to the man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required..” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. …”
“Now give me back my dog.”
journey11
Garden Master
Had you all seen this?
I know the rinds are edible, but I would think this would give ya the fiercest case of the runs.
Unbelievable. I've only ever seen deer eat a watermelon like that.
I know the rinds are edible, but I would think this would give ya the fiercest case of the runs.
Unbelievable. I've only ever seen deer eat a watermelon like that.
Smart Red
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The Garden Humor thread is going to be just as great in 2016 as it's ever been. Here's one for you Steve. . .
EXERCISES FOR OVER 55's
Stand on a comfortable surface.
With 5 lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms horizontally and hold for one minute, then relax.
Each day you will find that you can hold this position a little longer.
After 2 weeks, move up to 10 lb potato sacks.
After 1 month, try 50 lb potato sacks.
Eventually, you will be able to lift 100 lb sacks in each hand, holding your arms straight for 1 minute.
After you feel confident at this level. . . put a potato in each sack and repeat.
EXERCISES FOR OVER 55's
Stand on a comfortable surface.
With 5 lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms horizontally and hold for one minute, then relax.
Each day you will find that you can hold this position a little longer.
After 2 weeks, move up to 10 lb potato sacks.
After 1 month, try 50 lb potato sacks.
Eventually, you will be able to lift 100 lb sacks in each hand, holding your arms straight for 1 minute.
After you feel confident at this level. . . put a potato in each sack and repeat.
Ridgerunner
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Teacher "Spell Mississippi"
Student "The river or the state?"
Student "The river or the state?"
