From Baby Blues
Father - Get dressed, we're going out to eat.
Son - All set! Let's go!
Father - You need pants
Son - Oh! Formal dining!
From Dustin
Wife - These gnats are driving me crazy, I can't concentrate
Husband - Google said to put red wine in a mason jar but they didn't go near it. They also suggested apple cider vinegar with dish soap but that didn't work either
Wife - I don't see any wine
Husband - I drank it
From Garfield
Wow, look at the grass grow! I love action!
From Hagar the Horrible
Lucky Eddie - How much money did you make last year?
Hagar - You mean my gross income?
Lucky Eddie - Now, now. There is no shame in making a good living!
From The Duplex
Man - Our credit card bill is getting too high. I think it's time to liquidate some assets
Dog - Sell the lawnmower to buy beer?
Man - Exactly