Garden humor thread..

[Ridgerunner]

I went to see the doctor this morning. 'Someone decided to graffiti my house last night!' I raged.

'So why are you telling me?' the doctor asked.

'I couldn't understand the writing,' I replied. 'Was it you?'

 

[valley ranch]

Just moved a bull calf away from his mom's ,,,she's fresh, so that's 1 1/2 gallon of cream fresh milk each day ,,, I'll make some string cheese ,,,

 

[Ridgerunner]

After hearing all the advise to wash your hands with soap and water, I now realize why I never got sick when I was a little boy. My mom was always washing my mouth out with soap!

 

[Carol Dee]

 

[Rhodie Ranch]

 

[ninnymary]

 

[digitS']

@ninnymary , that's like what (the older) Arte Johnson said about his morning routine.

He said every morning he would touch his shoes 25 times. Then, he would get out of bed and put them on!

Be careful about walking around in the playroom, especially barefoot.

Steve

 

[digitS']

@Carol Dee , I returned to college in the mid-70's and watched the stock market drop by nearly half in my senior year. I decided to just went back to the farm ...

My youngest child graduated from college in the spring of 2009.

The stock market had hit it's low mark for the Great Recession, just 6 weeks before her graduation. Her entire senior year, she could watch it drop off a cliff. She had given up her supermarket and then hotel jobs as a barista and was working for the university. They found her an AmeriCorps placement and she stayed. Things brightened up for her later 🌤 but it certainly took awhile for a 20-something.

Steve

 

[majorcatfish]

......................................................................

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!

Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!"

 

[Carol Dee]