Garden humor thread..

[Ridgerunner]

Analogies written by high school students

• Her eyes were like two brown circles, with big black dots in the center.
• He was as tall as a 6’3” tree.
• Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides compressed by a Thigh Master
• From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you are on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on a 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.
• John and Mary never met. They were like two hummingbirds that also never met.
• She had a deep throaty, genuine laugh – like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
• The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog does at a fire hydrant.
• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
• She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
• The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock – like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
• The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

 

[Ridgerunner]

Police Officer - Lady, it's illegal to rive without a license.

Driver - Then arrest the judge. He's the one that took it from me.

 

[Ridgerunner]

Customer - This spaghetti sauce tastes a little different than usual today.

Waiter - I know, it's because of the wine.

Customer- So your cook adds wine to the recipe now?

Waiter - Only if he has some left over after his break.

 

[Carol Dee]

 

[Artichoke Lover]

View attachment 39949

The kid is actually licking it’s nose

 

[flowerbug]

The kid is actually licking it’s nose

who licked who first?

 

[Marie2020]

who licked who first?

The chicken or the egg

 

[Marie2020]

My friend and her partner could not find where this horrendous smell was coming from in their kitchen, so she was really worried that a mouse or possibly rat had died somewhere and they searched high and low but still couldn't find this disgusting stink.

Her partner had pulled out the plumbing underneath their sink it wasn't there so the next plan of action was to pull all the plumbing from the washing machine but nope it was not there ether, or is it either?

Previously two weeks earlier...

My friend had bought her precious dog a jumper, and all was well until he started doing his zoomies on the gravel, his leg got caught in the woolly and too her horror he had ripped off part of the fur on his leg.

Just before this being a very good boy he had done a lovely big poop and was praised for his offerings as per usual. She picked it up and tied up the poopy bag attaching it to her treat bag ready to be deposited into her bin.
But after her boy's accident all she could think of was cleaning his wound totally forgetting the treats bag. I don't need to tell you the rest, yes it was left for two weeks in their kitchen.

Her other half wasn't to impressed after days of ripping out all of the plumbings.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I can go hours without coffee. It's called sleeping.

 

[Carol Dee]