Garden humor thread..

[MontyJ]

Quadrupeds suspend their weight. Bipeds balance their weight. (An owl is a biped with really nasty feet ... )
Steve

Yeah, their beaks aren't pleasant either

 

[Carol Dee]

That's a good one Carol!

Worst thing I ever tried with a wild animal was to try to get a snowy downed baby Great Horned Owl out of a nest in the side of cliff back home in S. Texas. We were rattlesnake hunting and saw mama fly out of a hole in the side of the cliff. The side of the cliff was awash with owl droppings so we knew it was a nest, about 30 feet up. Being young and not very educated in the defensive habits of the Great Horned Owl, I decided to have a look. Luck for me, the cliff face was not completely vertical, but was close to probably 60°-70°.
When I looked in, I saw three white babies and thought it would be a good idea to try to raise one as a pet. Man, that was a bad idea. My two friends started screaming at me, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Turns out, they were saying "WATCH OUT!!!"
Mama Owl hit me square in the center of the back, and boy was she pissed! It felt like being hit with a cannon ball. We went a** over tea-kettle back down the cliff, elbows and feathers flying. She flew off, leaving me bloody, bruised, and a lot smarter about the defensive habits of the Great Horned Owl.

OUCH!

 

[journey11]

We have a Fourth of July "fibbing contest" put on by the arts council in my hometown each year. That deer roping story would have taken the prize!

 

[journey11]

I have this t-shirt. Love it!

 

[Smart Red]

Gypsy joke:
Two men walked into a well known drinking establishment.
"I'll have a large H2O", said the first man.
"I'll have a large H20, too", said the second. Poor man died!
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- the chemical sign, H202 is Hydrogen peroxide. Odorless, colorless like water, but not.

 

[journey11]

Little bit fizzy on the tongue too. LOL. I have a friend who is a chemistry teacher. I will have to run that one by her. Doubt anyone else will get it though. Ha.

 

[Smart Red]

I don't know where she gets them, (off the internet somewhere) but her repertoire of jokes is bigger than mine and I have a book of 50,000.

One of her current favorites relates to kidnapping. . .
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. . . . or, as she likes to call it, "surprise adoption".

 

[canesisters]

Surprise adoption!!!

ummm... where is the joke?

 

[Smart Red]

 

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

a neighbor in my old neighborhood did something similar to that and had a quick response to her break-in. she called the police when she noticed the glass to her entryway from her garage to kitchen was all over the floor. she had just come from the firing range doing target practice. she walked back to her car, got the gun, loaded it, used her cell to call police. told them 'i just got back from the firing range and someone has broken into my home. i'm entering my home locked & loaded and you'll be here when i come out to pick up the perp!' cops were there in no-time flat! didn't get anyone in the house though.