The Lone Gardener

[digitS']

Different things interest different people. I have never understood why everyone is not interested in what I enjoy and enjoy learning about.

Plenty of people have no interest in gardening. Lots of people, male and female, consider cooking akin to punishment.

Some people think of themselves as very independent and yet they don't know how to feed themselves without assistance from others, often an army of "others."

If I understand correctly, an average American household food budget amounts to only about 6% of total income and no more than 17% of disposable income. So, are we the ones involved in trivial interests?

Steve

 

[thistlebloom]

Hmmm. My food budget is considerably more than that. Maybe that means that our total income is pathetically low.

 

[catjac1975]

You know, I read and hear about guys liking to cook, or garden, but these have been my domain for so long, I don't know how I would feel about it if he suddenly became interested in either. Mixed blessings. But I don't want this to turn into a DH bashing thread,

It is wonderful to come to the dinner table and just pick up your fork.

 

[bobm]

Well folks ... I have been on my own since I was 16, so I had to learn how to cook or starve. My wife is a gourmet chef / baker at our house. I garden, raise all types of livestock, butcher them all, and then I am known to cook about 1/3 of the meals. For the last 2 years we now cook for 2-3 evening meals + lunches which saves quite a bit of time for other activities.

 

[Lavender2]

You know, I read and hear about guys liking to cook, or garden, but these have been my domain for so long, I don't know how I would feel about it if he suddenly became interested in either. Mixed blessings. But I don't want this to turn into a DH bashing thread,

I get your feeling of 'mixed blessings'. But you learn to adjust.
For 20+ years the gardens were mine. Lately DH has pitched in a bit more with the big jobs. Two large peony and a lavender have been tilled, a surprize spring cleaning of the front beds lead to magical disappearing wood chip paths, "yes tomatoes need to be that far apart", etc. Not so much of an interest, I guess, but trying to help out.

He has always supported, or at least put up with, all my garden craziness and I have appreciated the help. We are both blessed that I have a LOT more patience than I used to.

Now the cooking is another story. I have no problem at all with him taking over the kitchen and I am thrilled he has a passion for that. His dad was a chef and DH trained in his dad's restaurant at age 16. It's probably a good thing that he does more of the cooking than I do.

 

[so lucky]

I have to admit, I am not very gracious when someone tries to get me interested in what fascinates them. So I guess "payback is he!!" is right on target.

 

[Smart Red]

But I don't want this to turn into a DH bashing thread,

I would NEVER bash my DH. That he doesn't cook is my fault entirely. I spoil him like his mother did. If I ask him to help in the kitchen, he does cheerfully, but I fall down when it comes to designating responsibility inside the house. Outside, I have no problem finding things for him to do and am constantly biting my tongue now that he's finding it harder to get motivated for my projects. At 77, my perfect guy has earned the right to pick and choose, IMHO.

I did teach our son to cook and each one of our grands learned -- in part -- in grandma's kitchen. My daughter was taught, but never learned or more correctly chose not to cook. Fortunately, she has a DH who is great in the kitchen and a lot of food suppliers on her speed dial.

 

[so lucky]

My sons are both good and willing cooks. They say they learned to cook early in life to survive. I think I resent that. (?)
My oldest son's dream is to own a restaurant, but he will never get to do it because he is a husband and daddy first; can't risk it at this point. That's really too bad. I think he would have done great. He does cater occasionally.

 

[kathiesgarden]

You know, I read and hear about guys liking to cook, or garden, but these have been my domain for so long, I don't know how I would feel about it if he suddenly became interested in either. Mixed blessings. But I don't want this to turn into a DH bashing thread,

I am very territorial about my kitchen and garden. I like having something to call 'my own', even though when he is out helping me with the heavy work (shoveling, hauling, etc) I am very appreciative.

We ran a construction company and worked together for years. We had defined responsibilities and didn't step on each others' toes. I think it worked out well for us and we adopted the same philosophy around the house. (We raised six kids together.) I feel lucky to be married to a great partner!

 

[Jared77]

This is a very interesting thread. My DW & I have a lot of shared interests. We both like to get our hands in the dirt, we both hunt (she shot a monster 11point that to this day nobody in the family has come close to surpassing) she understands the subtle parts that go into competitive hunting dogs, and is an outstanding cook. She's a nurse so we often have very in depth conversations about work which is nice because the other person "gets it". We understand that just because ones shift is over doesn't mean you are going home. Or that sometimes work doesn't always stay there either.

We go on garden tours together, she likes to camp, we enjoy doing a wine tour over in the summer together (Michigan has a growing wine industry), we can together, and because of all our shared time together we work extremely well together. We know each other's strong points as well as what the other person needs so its easy to jump in and start helping. We can get a lot done because of that. It's nice because I don't ever feel like I have a "Honey do list" it's a "here's what we need to get done so let's get rolling" kind of list.

It's very much of a "I married my best friend" situation. I was set up on a blind date with her by a mutual friend and the rest is history.

It's funny because she outlines what she wants I tend to do the techy stuff. She'll suggest she wants for example asparagus but it's me that will suggest we do Jersey Knight because I like doing the research. She knows if she makes a suggestion I'm the one who has to explore it because "I just want to know..." So she jokes about turning me loose on a subject or an idea. I love to learn so I'm usually the one reporting back on an idea.

As long as I run things by one another we're usually right in step even with ideas. The other say she mentioned wanting to build a screen to block the view of the propane tank from the road. (It stands out like a big ugly mini submarine and it's viewable from far down the road) and the day before when I went to check the tanks level having that exact same thought.

We both like to cook but she's much better at it than I am. I'm getting there though. I'm not one to use the oven but then she's not one to fire up the grill.

Before you assume it's all perfect here there is a small downside to all this. The other person needing to be involved or consenting to the other person doing a project on their own. It's one thing if say I decide to make dinner or I bought these extra ____ because I thought they might be fun/interesting/pretty it's another to expand a bed or buy anything that isn't an annual. Even if it's something the other person loves better make sure they are/were part of the decision process. 99.9% of the time it's thought of as a great idea but it's not the idea itself that will cause the issue it's the assumption and not involving the other person that can create a problem.

So needless to say lots of things here are done by committee around our place.