You Say/ He Hears

[baymule]

DH-"Are we out of baggies? All that's in here is foil." (noise of drawer opening and closing)
Me- "Open the cabinet door directly under that drawer."
DH-"Huh? (noise of door knob and hinges) It's in the pantry?"
Me-"Open the cabinet door directly under that drawer."
DH-(rattling noises in kitchen) "Oh, here they are."

What part of "Open the cabinet door directly under that drawer" sounds like go look in the pantry?

 

[lesa]

I am always teasing Dh about this! I swear if something does not jump right out in front of him, he says he can't find it. So... if I have to find it for him, I always say "step back dear, I will shine my ovaries on it!"

 

[catjac1975]

None of them can find anything-it's easier to ask us. Come to think of if, my kids couldn't find anything either.

 

[digitS']

As someone with severe hearing loss, perhaps I have a somewhat different perspective. First of all, men learn to take a direct course to problem-solving. It may be nature or in a combination with nurturing - "he's a boy," kind of thing. This problem-solving approach doesn't always work in a nuanced situation.

Those closest to me have learned from my hearing loss. They say, "huh" and "what was that," a lot. They have also learned to ignore what I say. This is probably just because that so often I cannot hear them. Not just don't understand but cannot hear. They read that as being ignored.

Do you suppose that hearing impaired people speak loudly because they cannot hear themselves or because they interact with people who ignore them? Easy to ignore someone who interacts in a lame fashion. Lame? I guess I could say "less than efficient" way.

Communication. It is never easy. If you live with someone who seems to understand almost by intuition, count your blessings. Otherwise, it's shoulder to the wheel . . .

Steve

 

[canesisters]

I get this at the landfill EVERY DAY.
A new driver pulls up to the window. I take his paperwork, go over the rules and then pull out this map.

I take a highlighter, drawing on the map as I explain "You are at the scale. You're going to follow the road in front of you. Do not make any turns, just follow the road. It's going to go around a bend but just keep going until you see the big grey container sitting all by itself on your left. OK? Ok, once you pass the container your're going to go to the top of the big hill. That's where you'll dump. Got it?"
They rarelly make it to the top of the hill without help. Most often - with the map in hand - they drive 50yrds and make a hard right to go to the shop.

 

[curly_kate]

Too funny! According to DH, I hide stuff from him. When he unloads the dishwasher, I can't decide if he puts the dishes away randomly to annoy me, or because he really doesn't know where anything goes.

 

[Ridgerunner]

I think my classic of how women give direction is when my wife asked me to pick something up at a certain business. I asked where it was. She said "It's across the street from the yellow car I always see when I take the kids to preschool." Since I only took the kids to preschool a couple of times a year because I was usually already at work by that time, I had no idea where that yellow car was. She got a little upset when I got out the phone book and found the street address instead of going by her directions. I saw that yellow car by the way. It was not across the street but on the same side of the street and down a block and a half. I guess women process directions differently than men.

A speech pattern my wife shares with her sister is that they will speak in a soft but fairly understandable tone of voice until they get to the key word in the statement, usually close to the end of the sentence. Then they drop their tone and face away from you. I'd put it down to my hearing loss except that their father commented on it when they were both present. I did not prompt him in any way, he just said it out of the blue but I understood exactly what he was talking about. I didn't have any trouble understanding what he said either. They just looked at each other and gave a silly grin. I'd mentioned it to my wife before but of course she denied doing it. How could anything be her fault? She's a woman.

Another classic is when she is sitting in the den watching the news when I'm in the kitchen washing dishes; splashing water, rattling dinnerware and pots and pans, and generally making noise. She'll say something in a conversational tone while facing away from me so I stop what I'm doing, dry my hands, and walk around so I can see her face. Then I ask what she said. A regular comment is that she was just talking to herself. So I say good, that way she can have an intelligent conversation.

If I don't check out what she said to the TV she will come back later and say that I forgot something she told me. That reminds me of a Dagwood comic strip where Dag comes home and Blondie asks where he's been, they have a dinner date. He denies knowing about it and she insists she told him. She's doing the dishes with her back to him. Dag goes to get ready and Blondie, without realizing he's gone, tells him about another appointment they have later in the week. Hey, she told him, it's not her fault he will forget.

Steve I do have a hearing loss, the classic hearing loss from working in a loud environment. If there is any background noise from a TV, music, or in a restaurant from people talking I can't hear very well. When we go to a gathering of people say for a dinner the first thing they do is usually to put on music which means I can't join in a conversation unless I go outside. If we go to a restaurant I'm seldom part of the conversation. I've made an appointment to finally go get a hearing aid. Hopefully that will help. I'm really not looking forward to having to wear a hearing aid. hopefully I'll get used to it so it' not always uncomfortable. I'm not sure how It will work when I'm outside working in the summer and sweating a lot.

I know I speak fairly loudly at times. I think it is out of frustration to try to get the person I'm talking to, usually my wife, to look at me when they are speaking. It's so much easier to understand when I can see the lips move and the words are projected in my direction instead of to the wall. But that's just a man looking for the easy way out.

 

[baymule]

My cell phone rings. It's DH calling me.

DH-"I can't find my cell phone ANYWHERE!"
Me-"Did you look in your desk?"
DH-"I'm out here in my truck, I had it in my hand when I locked up and now I can't find it anywhere."
Me-"Maybe it slid between the seats, it might be under the seat."
DH-(shouting, upset, frustrated, getting angry) "I've looked all in my truck! (noises of truck being searched) "I just had it! I can't figure out what happened to it!" (More words, most of which are unprintable on a family friendly forum)
Me-"Maybe you dropped it after you locked up and it is laying in the dirt somewhere." (barely suppressing a giggle)
DH-"OK, I'll go back and look for it, bye." Click.
(few seconds pass)
My cell phone rings. I answer.
DH-"You #%&$$ You KNEW I was talking on my cell phone the WHOLE TIME!!" Click.

 

[seedcorn]

Many reasons we don't "listen".

Refrigerators-my wife packs it so there isn't one empty square inch. What I want is always in back but WHICH shelf? When kids used to clean it out-when she would leave-half of stuff was a froze, bad or half used with another one in front in similar condition! She forgets what she stuffs in there- & will never admit it.

Chores. While I'm at work, she could have done them.

Complaints--hear enough at work. Politics--could care less what talking heads say! She knows I consider a prostitute more honorable than national politicians and all who are getting rich off of politics.

 

[baymule]

Just for the record, I am a little hard of hearing myself. Years of noisy environments left their mark. And I am loud, have been all my life and my poor grandchild has a big mouth like her Mamaw. My husband has worse hearing than me, but we are at least in the same boat, we just paddle in different directions at the same time.