Family

[Nyboy]

My nephew just txed me his ex girl friend is pregnant by him. This will be the 2nd child he fathered. He has a unbelievable low child support payment, yet always behind on it. Almost lost his drivers licence a few times for late payment. They do that first, then jail. I have taken over making the monthly payments and he works it off. How this boy didn't learn is beyond me. With todays birth control there is no excuse. What a mess.

 

[so lucky]

Nyboy, I know you are trying to help him, but he is learning you will always bail him out. If the child support money is going to the state because the mom is on state assistance, you or your nephew not paying it, won't hurt her or the child.
I have had to make some really tough love decisions with my kids, some things I probably wouldn't do if I had it to do over again, but those things have changed them and made them independent.
In my opinion, if you feel like you need to help support the child, that is not a problem, but I don't think you should enable your nephew to continue shirking his responsibility. If you know the girl/woman, give her money, but make your nephew pay what the state ordered him to pay.
You have already said he doesn't work very well for you....and I bet you're paying him well for sleeping in your hammock.

 

[journey11]

Does he not have a steady job? I don't know if there's enough hours in the day for him to work twice as much for you now, although if he's been dependable I can see how that might be a mutually beneficial arrangement.

 

[aftermidnight]

My nephew just txed me his ex girl friend is pregnant by him. This will be the 2nd child he fathered. He has a unbelievable low child support payment, yet always behind on it. Almost lost his drivers licence a few times for late payment. They do that first, then jail. I have taken over making the monthly payments and he works it off. How this boy didn't learn is beyond me. With todays birth control there is no excuse. What a mess.

@Nyboy , I so agree with @so lucky we also had to make some tough choices with one of ours and I have to say there were a few years where we just held our breath hoping we had done the right thing. It worked today we are so proud of him, he had to pretty much bottom out before he saw the light, but when he did... did I say we are so very proud of him, he didn't just end up with a job, he went high above anything we expected of him, actually he knocked our socks off.
DH's parents kept bailing out his older brother, dad did it only for mom's sake, it just kept enabling him and he never did put his act together. He is no longer with us, died from an overdose.
Yes, I know tough love doesn't always work but I think in those cases nothing does, sometimes a person has to reach rock bottom before they see the light, if they seek help then and mean it, IMO then and only then it's time jump in and give a helping hand.

 

[Larisa]

I also have a similar relative. He does not even know how many his children. But the ladies, too, are responsible. It is necessary to choose a very good father to his children. All have the eyes and head. Our guy got hurt. My mother helped him get the pension of the country. I think endlessly to help in such situatsii- only bring harm to him.
You can not raise him. Only himself. He needs a good kick. How to start a new life. I sympathize with you.

 

[ninnymary]

My good friend has 5 adult boys that are so irresponsible. Having kids when they have no business having them and always being homeless and jobless. I think they text or call her several times a day. It seems like all she does is bail them out. I once reiterated what my husband and I saw, that they will never grow up because she is always there. She said she agreed but couldn't do that to her grandchildren. Said they had to eat and have a roof over their heads. It's not easy being a parent. We just have to do the best we can with what we have.

Mary

 

[Nyboy]

I agree I need to stop bailing him out. He was doing well for the first time with work. He is a little over a year with the same company doing towing and working on cars. Other jobs never lasted more then 2 weeks. His child support is a $100 a month, I think I spend more on dogfood. He works 1 day a month, and i make check to child services instead of him. Larisa your right it takes 2 to make a baby. My nephew has always been attractive to woman twice his age, I am sure it has something to do with looking for substitute mother. Woman in this age bract feel their baby clocks are running out and want children.

 

[thistlebloom]

I think your nephew should have the baby DNA tested.

 

[seedcorn]

I think your nephew should have the baby DNA tested.

I think he should be neutered so his big brain can do his thinking....

 

[Nyboy]

Seed I agree