Family

[ninnymary]

I think he should be neutered so his big brain can do his thinking....

Mary

 

[seedcorn]

Seed I agree

Hope I wasn't too non-PC....

I understand life (family) has dealt him surprises but time to grow up.

 

[Nyboy]

Before this I was very proud of his changes. I think this is the first time in his life he kept a job this long. He wanted to have dinner tonight, but I need time to cool off. Sat we going to get together.

 

[catjac1975]

My nephew just txed me his ex girl friend is pregnant by him. This will be the 2nd child he fathered. He has a unbelievable low child support payment, yet always behind on it. Almost lost his drivers licence a few times for late payment. They do that first, then jail. I have taken over making the monthly payments and he works it off. How this boy didn't learn is beyond me. With todays birth control there is no excuse. What a mess.

They take the driver's license? It's like punishing a teenager! How is the guy supposed to get to work? I guess they need to do something.

 

[Carol Dee]

@Nyboy In IA if the Dad is working The Child support money is automatically taken from his pay by the state. My son pays $125 pr. week pr. child! 2 Children $1,000 a month and she never has enough money to pay child care etc...
A cool down time is good. Hope he can understand your feelings, too. Good Luck Saturday.

 

[Nyboy]

Carol he works off books. Yes Cat in NY they first go after your drivers license, hoping that will get deadbeat dad to pay. I know it works for my nephew, but I question if someone doesn't pay child support would they care about driving without a license.

 

[thistlebloom]

It seems "deadbeat" dads get all the press. I wonder about the deadbeat moms though. Are women required to pay child support when they abandon their kids?
I have a friend that runs a preschool and tutoring business, and she always has at least one dad that is raising his kids alone.

 

[Nyboy]

My friend Kristine's daughter wanted to switch schools so moved in with her dad. Kristine then had to pay child support to ex husband, at first it was same amount husband was paying. She had to go to court, because she didn't make what her exhusband made. The judge then lowered her payments.

 

[aftermidnight]

Yes, let's not forget the deadbeat moms, unfortunately there's a few of them around too. For one, gals getting themselves pregnant in hopes of trapping a guy, that still happens with never a thought about the child they're going to have and how it's going to effect them. That said it takes two to tango, both should be behaving responsible it's just not up to the guy.
On the other hand there are a lot of single parents out there for whatever reason doing a great job raising their children, my hat is off to them, it's a hard row to hoe, especially in today's world.
Annette

 

[Smart Red]

Carol he works off books.

Sh-h-h-h-h!

Giving advice about sponging relatives is easy. Everyone knows what should -- perhaps must -- be done to give them a chance to turn around. Taking that advice when it is a loved one is not so easy.

I won't attempt to give you any advice other than you should do what you feel you must. My dear son got into (minor) drugs for a few years (17-21). Once I turned him in. Cost me over $5,000 in court costs for my efforts. The last time it cost me a $10,000 car.

Once he got married he changed. He was a stay at home dad for most of his children's toddler years (mom was making $65,000 and his work just covered babysitters) and he did a great job with my grandchildren. He is a big help with his dad now and is doing all the work in the basement.

However, he does not have a good job. . (later). Good news! His wishy-washy employer says he has "lots of work" for him building furniture. That means DS will be gainfully employed AND working here at home all day. Win/win for DH and us!

I feel he should get a job with some security, but he loves working with wood and being -- more or less -- his own boss. The company considers our son to be an "independent contractor" rather than an employee. And the brothers running the company owe their lives to the IRS so making more or less money doesn't excite them. Neither can they rebuild the company since both parents died, because everything was left in sister's name. . . again, because of their debts to the IRS.

At the present time, we've been supporting him and his family far above what anyone should expect in their old age. Not just emergencies, but doctor, dentist, school, clothes, supplies, and cash when needed. We also own his house -- they stopped paying on it after a few years -- pay their house taxes, usually their water charges, house insurance,(to keep the property) and, since he's driving my truck, his auto insurance and all his petrol.

All this is done more with the welfare of my grandchildren in mind then to help DS and DIL (who has always worked). I keep saying DS will be in for a big shock once Gypsy is out of the house and the "Child Support" stops. That's what I now say, but who knows what the future will bring.

So, @Nyboy, do I join the chorus and tell you how to handle your nephew and his problems? I think not. Just know that I hope for the best and support any decision you have to live with.