...I hate alcoholics....

[canesisters]

Sam, that link went to American Airlines - which would be very helpful if things get worse

@secuono - I think - looking for help for herself, not necessarily for him. The group that everyone is refering to is al anon http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
I didn't find them very helpful - but that was a LONG, LONG time ago and I'm sure things have changed some (shoot, there wasn't even an internet then let alone on-line forums to discuss things)

Where in VA are you? I've found, in many situations where I feel helpless to 'fix' or change a problem, it's helpful to simply have someone to talk to about it.

 

[canesisters]

Also, some of the local (Richmond) hospitals offer out-patient rehab - non-residential.

 

[baymule]

If you have to get rid of some of your animals to find and work at a job, then you need to do so. Better to do it now than be miserable waiting on him to change. You could be waiting for a long time, especially if he does not think there is a problem.

Stop kicking yourself over what you've done, you can't back up and have a do over. You are a very strong young woman and you can work through this. Figure out what you really want out of life, make a list in order of importance. Then refine your list with steps needed to achieve each item on your list. Putting down what you want and what it takes to get there gives you a more objective view of things. Then get started doing what you need to do. If he wants to come along, fine and dandy, if not, choke him to death on heel dust.

 

[secuono]

The animals don't stop me from working, no one hiring is what's preventing me from having a job.
He's admitted he has an issue, appologized, felt terrible and so on. 6mo or so ago he got a book, since he didn't think he needed outside help and got halfway through it before he got busy with work to read it. He'll go to outside help eventually or I'll simply leave one day. But it's not bad enough to sell/give away everything and move in with my mother yet.

 

[baymule]

I'm sure he has good qualities or you would have never married him. Only you can weigh it up and make up your mind.

 

[lesa]

Relationships are not an easy thing, at the best of times... I agree with you that too much importance is put on dating, marriage, etc. With divorce rates over 50 percent- you would think we would all realize "paradise" is not a likely outcome! But, it is a constant brain washing from the TV, to books, to family. Alone is just fine- in fact it can be great! I was single after my divorce for 20 years- and I don't regret a day of it. I did remarry at the ripe old age of 50, but I am glad I am able to be alone and happy. So sorry about your situation. Talking about a solution and thinking about choices is a good idea.
Bay- I love the way you turn a phrase! "Heel dust!" I love it!

 

[so lucky]

When I realized I was not going to be able to stay married to my first husband, I found a book called "Learning to Leave" that was helpful; gave me practical advice and courage.
I remember I was going to college (non-traditional student) and I kept that book in my book bag, hidden from him. I would read it when I got to school, sitting in the car in the morning waiting for class time.
Lots of water under the bridge by now.

 

[Smart Red]

So sorry to hear what you're going through. Although I have no personal experience with an alcoholic spouse, I have had relatives that were alcoholics and my DS is working through issues with his wife who has a serious drinking problem. Fortunately, there have been a few changes made that seem to be helping her. She's changed workplaces from a drinking crowd in another town to a place close to home with family orientated co-workers and seems to be less depressed.

It is a fundamental truth that the only one you can change is yourself. You are already a strong woman. Try getting involved with AA. They have helpful groups for children and spouses of alcoholics that may give you a better focus on what you need to do for yourself to make you stronger.

Hugs,love, and prayers that your way will be easier.

 

[buckabucka]

The animals don't stop me from working, no one hiring is what's preventing me from having a job.
He's admitted he has an issue, appologized, felt terrible and so on. 6mo or so ago he got a book, since he didn't think he needed outside help and got halfway through it before he got busy with work to read it. He'll go to outside help eventually or I'll simply leave one day. But it's not bad enough to sell/give away everything and move in with my mother yet.

The fact that he has admitted he has an issue and got a book is a positive sign. Most people do need outside help. I fixed my own drinking problem without help, but I had a strong desire to do so. I remember drinking a beer and then refilling the bottle with water so I could feel like I was still drinking. Once I fully quit, I left my partner at the time, who continued drinking and asked when I would be fun again.

The most difficult part of quitting drinking for me, was that at first, sobriety is really, really boring. I couldn't figure out what regular people did for entertainment. Play cards or board games? I was baffled. Now I can't imagine being bored, -I'm always busy and love having a clear head, but for a time, it was really hard.

 

[Chickie'sMomaInNH]

check with your health insurance but the services should be part of your plan. it would be under Out patient mental health or substance abuse. they are usually lumped together on most insurance plans. doctors will not divulge any info to a spouse/friend/family unless they have your consent so if he's fearful of someone finding out you could always point out that it would be more embarrassing to be on the 6 o'clock news being brought to jail/hospital for drunk driving harming himself or someone else, or just making a fool of himself in a public situation.