897tgigvib
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Sec. I don't know what wise words to say.
But...
But...
...I hate alcoholics....
- Thread starter secuono
- Start date
Kassaundra
Garden Addicted
I have not been married to an alchoholic, but my Gpa was one, I watched my Gma struggle w/ it through 50+ years of marriage. (I was raised by my Gparents, so saw it up close and personal, not from the usual Gparents distance.) My Gpa never admitted to having a problem, he was always "sick", so when he passed out in the living room floor b/c he was drunk, that was never the "reason" it was b/c his "heart was acting up" He was always verbally abusive towards me and my Gma, but physically abusive to my father and brother, but his public "face" was friendly and endearing.
My Gma, an amazing woman w/ her own childhood demons struggled w/ issues of leaving or staying for most of their 50+ years, she was never "happy" in the marriage, but stuck it out anyway.
Alchoholism is not just the problem of the alchoholic it is also the problem of everyone in the family. Especially those members that CHOSE to put themselves in it. (as oppose the being born into it). There is nothing you can do to change him, only he can make that choice. What you CAN do is change, improve, shore up, yourself, to either be strong enough to move on or to be as happy as you can be in your circumstance if you chose to stay. Leaving w/o recognizing why you made choices you did and making self adjustment will just lead to the same mistake repeating itself.
I would strongly encourage you to seek out a support group in your area dealing w/ families of alchoholics.
My Gma, an amazing woman w/ her own childhood demons struggled w/ issues of leaving or staying for most of their 50+ years, she was never "happy" in the marriage, but stuck it out anyway.
Alchoholism is not just the problem of the alchoholic it is also the problem of everyone in the family. Especially those members that CHOSE to put themselves in it. (as oppose the being born into it). There is nothing you can do to change him, only he can make that choice. What you CAN do is change, improve, shore up, yourself, to either be strong enough to move on or to be as happy as you can be in your circumstance if you chose to stay. Leaving w/o recognizing why you made choices you did and making self adjustment will just lead to the same mistake repeating itself.
I would strongly encourage you to seek out a support group in your area dealing w/ families of alchoholics.
- Thread starter
- #23
Haven't said anything to him this time. He came home with some precooked, prepackaged chicken, broccoli and baby carrots. He's been taking some to work with him every day.
Somehow he lines up being a drunk idiot with horrible diet. Can't say he's only round around the edges, bit on the pudgy side now.
He quit smoking awhile ago, real cigarettes, that is. Now he uses crazy versions of vapor smoking. Very annoying since he smokes it in the house and complains when I tell him to go outside and suffer the heat/cold/rain like a smoker should. Any real research on vapor smoking? Is it really any safer? Makes him smell fruity or stink like coffee and look stupid sucking on a metal pipe. =/
Anyway. Hid all the alcohol the night I originally posted.
buckabucka, I agree with the boring part. Doesn't help him any when he's lazy and rather just do nothing with his free time. "Allergic" to the outdoors I call him. =/
What do you do now to fill up your time? No idea what will interest him.
I hate being indoors, but being out and about alone is so dang boring. I think I might be turning into a cat, lol. Spending so much time just napping outdoors when it's nice out. Been busy obsessing with my new Discus fish last two weeks. Holy cows are they overly sensitive and picky fish! I've been less worried and stressed over sick sheep and lambs!!
Somehow he lines up being a drunk idiot with horrible diet. Can't say he's only round around the edges, bit on the pudgy side now.
He quit smoking awhile ago, real cigarettes, that is. Now he uses crazy versions of vapor smoking. Very annoying since he smokes it in the house and complains when I tell him to go outside and suffer the heat/cold/rain like a smoker should. Any real research on vapor smoking? Is it really any safer? Makes him smell fruity or stink like coffee and look stupid sucking on a metal pipe. =/
Anyway. Hid all the alcohol the night I originally posted.
buckabucka, I agree with the boring part. Doesn't help him any when he's lazy and rather just do nothing with his free time. "Allergic" to the outdoors I call him. =/
What do you do now to fill up your time? No idea what will interest him.
I hate being indoors, but being out and about alone is so dang boring. I think I might be turning into a cat, lol. Spending so much time just napping outdoors when it's nice out. Been busy obsessing with my new Discus fish last two weeks. Holy cows are they overly sensitive and picky fish! I've been less worried and stressed over sick sheep and lambs!!
baymule
Garden Master
Everyone I know that used those vapor smokers went back to smoking. All that is, is substituting one sugar-tit for another, but without the sugar.
Duh, does he not know alcohol is very fattening? Diet? The liquid kind maybe.
This might require you to put your foot down on his neck and tell him how it's going to be. Do I hear a COME TO JESUS MEETING??
Duh, does he not know alcohol is very fattening? Diet? The liquid kind maybe.
This might require you to put your foot down on his neck and tell him how it's going to be. Do I hear a COME TO JESUS MEETING??
- Thread starter
- #25
Yea, he said he needed to smoke a ton more of it to equal the same amount for a real cig. But he no longer stinks and his lungs have cleared up some.
Very fattening, makes you stationary as well. I try to keep my figure, he should, too. Of course, the only time he's been thin is when his girlfriends would dump him and he'd quit smoking and sulk. He looked really nice back then. Couch potato...
Might have to get my pony to sit on him for me until the light bulb comes on! lol, but his fatness can't be helped too much. He's a horse that gets fat on air, I once tried to get him thin and fit. Took nearly starving him, almost no food at all, tons of exercise. It was horrible. I let him be fat now, as long as he doesn't go and founder on me, he can remain the resident hippo!
Very fattening, makes you stationary as well. I try to keep my figure, he should, too. Of course, the only time he's been thin is when his girlfriends would dump him and he'd quit smoking and sulk. He looked really nice back then. Couch potato...
Might have to get my pony to sit on him for me until the light bulb comes on! lol, but his fatness can't be helped too much. He's a horse that gets fat on air, I once tried to get him thin and fit. Took nearly starving him, almost no food at all, tons of exercise. It was horrible. I let him be fat now, as long as he doesn't go and founder on me, he can remain the resident hippo!
897tgigvib
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Sounds to me like I'm in better shape than he is and I'm 59.
THAT BOY NEEDS TO QUIT DRINKIN!
That's just the plain old fashioned reality of it.
Also, that boy needs to stop hanging around with his drinking buddies.
DRINKIN BUDDIES ARE KNOWN AS
ENABLERS.
I read about that when my ex girlfriend who lived with me who was an alcoholic left her AA book on the table every day. That big AA book. The one that had a history of being passed along, first edition.
She eventually quit, about 3 years after I left her. We still communicate from far distance now and then.
In other words Sec,
YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS TO GROW UP.
That's not said to be an insult. Insulting him will just be another reason to drink.
Arguing at him when he's drunk will do ZERO GOOD, and will ONLY give him more reason to drink.
I do suggest you can learn about alcoholism by reading that ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS book. Take mental notes of all that applies.
How old is he? You don't have to say, but visualize him still drinking at 60. Sounds to me like right now he's about as active as a 70 year old.
What a shame it is.
See why I said I have no words of wisdom to share earlier? Everything I can say about it is exactly what you do not want to hear, so, maybe just never mind everything I just typed.
This, everything just brings back the memories to me. My ex gal who drank, oh man, I'd get into serious trouble for stirring my coffee too loud in the morning from her! You'd think stirring my coffee was a major felony!
I'd get the all night sleep deprivation torture sessions, getting hollered at, because I failed to stop at the store to buy her booze on my way home from work.
It got time to leave that situation behind, and to heal, and it took me almost two years to heal. It was like post traumatic stress.
=====
Sec, don't let it cause you to have symptoms of bi polar or depression.
Let me know if you want me to remove this post.
I apologize for the stark reality of being an alcoholic's non alcoholic significant other. It can whack you real hard.
THAT BOY NEEDS TO QUIT DRINKIN!
That's just the plain old fashioned reality of it.
Also, that boy needs to stop hanging around with his drinking buddies.
DRINKIN BUDDIES ARE KNOWN AS
ENABLERS.
I read about that when my ex girlfriend who lived with me who was an alcoholic left her AA book on the table every day. That big AA book. The one that had a history of being passed along, first edition.
She eventually quit, about 3 years after I left her. We still communicate from far distance now and then.
In other words Sec,
YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS TO GROW UP.
That's not said to be an insult. Insulting him will just be another reason to drink.
Arguing at him when he's drunk will do ZERO GOOD, and will ONLY give him more reason to drink.
I do suggest you can learn about alcoholism by reading that ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS book. Take mental notes of all that applies.
How old is he? You don't have to say, but visualize him still drinking at 60. Sounds to me like right now he's about as active as a 70 year old.
What a shame it is.
See why I said I have no words of wisdom to share earlier? Everything I can say about it is exactly what you do not want to hear, so, maybe just never mind everything I just typed.
This, everything just brings back the memories to me. My ex gal who drank, oh man, I'd get into serious trouble for stirring my coffee too loud in the morning from her! You'd think stirring my coffee was a major felony!
I'd get the all night sleep deprivation torture sessions, getting hollered at, because I failed to stop at the store to buy her booze on my way home from work.
It got time to leave that situation behind, and to heal, and it took me almost two years to heal. It was like post traumatic stress.
=====
Sec, don't let it cause you to have symptoms of bi polar or depression.
Let me know if you want me to remove this post.
I apologize for the stark reality of being an alcoholic's non alcoholic significant other. It can whack you real hard.
- Thread starter
- #27
He drinks at home, rarely goes out with 'friends' since those would be coworkers and they work different shifts and days, nights/days.
I would assume most people on here might be in better shape than he is!
I agree that he needs to grow up, finding a hobby would also do him some good, but lazy people are hard to motivate. I should know, I can also be very lazy and procrastinate all day long...
He's 27, a spoiled mommas boy, parents got divorced, father was an alcoholic and she let him do w/e with no responsibility. But he's had gov't jobs and other important jobs, so with work, he's serious.
Nothing you've said I don't understand or already know or have already thought a lot about. I've always been too mature for my age. Made me a kid that was no fun to hang around, lol.
I'm just glad he's not a violent and controlling drunk. I'd drop everything like a sack of rocks and leave. I have zero tolerance for anyone who is controlling or an a-hole in general. Heck, I've refused to purchase or sell livestock, equipment, assistance etc to those types of people. If they can't be decent, I have no time what so ever for them.
Random Q, anyone know a natural spray to use to repel stinkbugs? They're starting to take over the porch. Also, do preymantis eat them? Had one stalking the stinkbugs, but never saw it eat any....
I would assume most people on here might be in better shape than he is!
I agree that he needs to grow up, finding a hobby would also do him some good, but lazy people are hard to motivate. I should know, I can also be very lazy and procrastinate all day long...
He's 27, a spoiled mommas boy, parents got divorced, father was an alcoholic and she let him do w/e with no responsibility. But he's had gov't jobs and other important jobs, so with work, he's serious.
Nothing you've said I don't understand or already know or have already thought a lot about. I've always been too mature for my age. Made me a kid that was no fun to hang around, lol.
I'm just glad he's not a violent and controlling drunk. I'd drop everything like a sack of rocks and leave. I have zero tolerance for anyone who is controlling or an a-hole in general. Heck, I've refused to purchase or sell livestock, equipment, assistance etc to those types of people. If they can't be decent, I have no time what so ever for them.
Random Q, anyone know a natural spray to use to repel stinkbugs? They're starting to take over the porch. Also, do preymantis eat them? Had one stalking the stinkbugs, but never saw it eat any....
Last edited:
Kassaundra
Garden Addicted
Control stink bugs Natural, chemical, nuclear, if you find it 
Natural, chemical, nuclear, if you find it 
Pulsegleaner
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(my apologies if any of the below sounds at all flip, it is not intended to )
For a very long time, I was pretty close to what you might call an anti-alcoholic. That is, I was so afraid of alcohol that I would not drink any even in those rare occasions where it was socially or culturally expected. I actually almost refused to go through with my Bar Mitzvah because they had put actual wine in the Kiddush cup, rather than grape juice. And when I turned 21 in college not only did I refuse to tell anyone when my birthday was, but the actual night of it, I literally ran back to my apartment, locked the doors and the windows and stayed up all night watching the door, for fear some "friends" would think it his duty to bust in, kidnap me drag me to a bar, and force booze down my throat until I passed out from alcohol poisoning. So a lot of my recent experience is more along the line of trying to move closer to the middle, to the point where while I still don't really drink, the very thought of alcohol no longer terrifies me. I actually do have a few bottles of 160 proof vodka around now, I use them to make extracts. I am extremely knowledgeable about bourbon because, while I don't like it, my parents do and I like the challenge of finding exceptional ones for them on their birthdays. Technically some of the tea blends I make have some liqueurs in them (like Zirbenz and Crème d' Violette) but it is on the orders of one shot in a pitcher worth of tea (I am well aware that diluting a unit of alcohol doesn't actually do anything to how it will hit you, but the fact it takes me several hours to drink that much tea does tend to space it out. Plus I only make those blends on Saturday nights to keep me up for late night television, so the thing I am doing right after drinking them is sleeping for several hours.)
For a very long time, I was pretty close to what you might call an anti-alcoholic. That is, I was so afraid of alcohol that I would not drink any even in those rare occasions where it was socially or culturally expected. I actually almost refused to go through with my Bar Mitzvah because they had put actual wine in the Kiddush cup, rather than grape juice. And when I turned 21 in college not only did I refuse to tell anyone when my birthday was, but the actual night of it, I literally ran back to my apartment, locked the doors and the windows and stayed up all night watching the door, for fear some "friends" would think it his duty to bust in, kidnap me drag me to a bar, and force booze down my throat until I passed out from alcohol poisoning. So a lot of my recent experience is more along the line of trying to move closer to the middle, to the point where while I still don't really drink, the very thought of alcohol no longer terrifies me. I actually do have a few bottles of 160 proof vodka around now, I use them to make extracts. I am extremely knowledgeable about bourbon because, while I don't like it, my parents do and I like the challenge of finding exceptional ones for them on their birthdays. Technically some of the tea blends I make have some liqueurs in them (like Zirbenz and Crème d' Violette) but it is on the orders of one shot in a pitcher worth of tea (I am well aware that diluting a unit of alcohol doesn't actually do anything to how it will hit you, but the fact it takes me several hours to drink that much tea does tend to space it out. Plus I only make those blends on Saturday nights to keep me up for late night television, so the thing I am doing right after drinking them is sleeping for several hours.)
baymule
Garden Master
Secuono---a kid that was no fun to hang around--- Well, you sound like a friend I would have fun hanging around with 
Stinkbugs
