My Dad

[Smart Red]

I hope your dad appreciates what a great family he has, and what a blessing it is for him to have you taking care of things for him.

Ditto!

 

[Carol Dee]

@journey11 Please check into hospice care if you have not already. You may very well be able to keep him at home much longer and then into a hospice home nearer the end if it is not acceptable to all of you to have him leave this life in one of you homes or his own. With hospice help and extended family and friends Mom and Then Dad where able to live out their last days in the home they built and raised us kids in. At NO COST. They where so helpful and compassionate. A true blessing.

 

[journey11]

@journey11 Please check into hospice care if you have not already. You may very well be able to keep him at home much longer and then into a hospice home nearer the end if it is not acceptable to all of you to have him leave this life in one of you homes or his own. With hospice help and extended family and friends Mom and Then Dad where able to live out their last days in the home they built and raised us kids in. At NO COST. They where so helpful and compassionate. A true blessing.

Thanks, Carol. I have heard that hospice is very caring and helpful and informative. Dad wants to stay in his own home as long as possible. The hospital said to call hospice sooner rather than later and that we'd be glad we did. My dad is feeling good physically right now for the most part. May be a bit early for him to want to do it yet. Do they work at no cost? I'm not sure how all that works as this is my first experience with any of this. None of my grandparents or great-grandparents ever had a long illness like this or needed hospice. My husband and I have agreed that we would like to bring him out to my house eventually if we are able to. Now to talk Dad into it, ha. I don't know that he'd rest well here with all the commotion and the kids in this small house, but we do have an extra bedroom and he would certainly be entertained and loved on. I guess we'll have to work that out as we come to it. I talked to Dad this evening on the phone and he even suggested selling the farm himself as he now feels he can't enjoy it. That money would provide for his needs for a long time.

 

[Smart Red]

You would have to find out how the hospice in your area works. Here, my bil and my mil were both cared for through the hospice program during their final months.

The government pays hospice (or did) $65 a day for that care under Medicare. Hospice then provides all meds, medical needs, nursing, assistance with home care, etc. that is needed. One rule, we had to call hospice rather than 911 in an emergency and they would decide if 911 should be called.

Mom and brother paid nothing toward their hospice care, but my neighbor said her father was charged for some of the care he received when under hospice. Perhaps it is based upon 'ability to pay' as well as Medicare? I didn't understand what happened there.

My mil, who often stated she wanted to die in her own home, really did enjoy living with her daughter: with the granddaughter fussing over her, lots more activity and conversation, and no worry about caring for her home. She used the move in with her daughter to give away all of her household goods to family. I can't remember why her house wasn't sold until after her death as she never expressed a desire to go back to it and selling her house was one of the easiest things I have ever done.

 

[Carol Dee]

Here in IA it was NO COST at all. Not for the nursing visits, not for any medications or supplies. Please check. Go ahead and make an appointment and get preliminary things in place. I have been thinking about you a lot lately @journey11

 

[seedcorn]

It must vary from case to case. I was convinced to sign my mother up-huge mistake. All they wanted to do was grief council my mother-did I mention she was dying?. Then they took her SS for payment. They gave me this big story how they had this facility that dying patients and family could be together-like a large apartment. Went and checked out this multi million dollar building. It was all they said it was. Then administrator told me that they had 2 empty rooms but we couldn't use them. Since she had money for nursing home, nursing home is where she would stay. Got that contract stopped.

Never forget, woman preacher was in my mom's room telling her how much God and she loved my mom. When I informed her I cancelled their service, she couldn't get out of that room fast enough. No $$, no service. So much for her carying about the people she came in contact with.

 

[Carol Dee]

It must vary from case to case. I was convinced to sign my mother up-huge mistake. All they wanted to do was grief council my mother-did I mention she was dying?. Then they took her SS for payment. They gave me this big story how they had this facility that dying patients and family could be together-like a large apartment. Went and checked out this multi million dollar building. It was all they said it was. Then administrator told me that they had 2 empty rooms but we couldn't use them. Since she had money for nursing home, nursing home is where she would stay. Got that contract stopped.

Never forget, woman preacher was in my mom's room telling her how much God and she loved my mom. When I informed her I cancelled their service, she couldn't get out of that room fast enough. No $$, no service. So much for her carying about the people she came in contact with.

I am sure it does. We were blessed to meet some truly AMAZING and LOVING people through hospice. Right down to the guy that brought out the medical equipment. So sorry you did not have a better experience. Dad had money in bank, savings and stocks, owned his home free and clear and a nice retirement check each month. Money was NEVER ask for.

 

[Gardening with Rabbits]

The swollen leg may not be a blood clot. When DH was put on the steroid his right leg swelled huge. He had to have an ultrasound on that leg twice. It stayed swollen a long time. Never did have a clot. It is his bad leg with bad circulation. He broke the femur bone when 18. He was taken off the steroid later and then he had to go back on the steroid twice over the months and his leg never swelled like that again. DH did a lot of what your dad is doing. Actually, a lot of people with cancer seem to be alike. No rest, always stressed or stressing others. My mother had to go to a nursing home almost 2 years before she died because we could not give her the care she needed. It was hard, but looking back it was the best and best for my children. I know a person over the internet that has lung cancer and refuses chemo. She is on oxygen and suffering. Her family is suffering. She basically was saying goodbye months ago, but she is still alive and her family watching all this. Just because a doctor says you are dying does not mean today or even soon. Soon to them could be a year. DH with radiation, chemo, surgery, and now immunotherapy is walking, talking, eating, driving, active. This lady is not walking, using oxygen, not being active, and not sure if she is eating. I type medical reports and the doctors told a man he was going to die. He decided he wanted nothing done and was not going home to die and put his wife through it, so wanted to stay in the hospital, take off his oxygen and have no medical treatment. They told him, oh you are not dying THAT SOON, but still he took off the oxygen, no blood pressure medicine, no diabetes medicine, so now he can live not as well as he was before and think he is dying daily, but really just suffer more. Also, years ago, I moved an elderly aunt to my house and my mother was alive and we took care of her until she died. We did her no favor. She was mad. She wanted to go to her house. If we had gone to another state and moved in her house, she would have been happy, but she died a slow death being sad, mad, and stressed out bad. I do not know if any of this will help you Journey. I know exactly how you feel about your dad. Why people who are sick, lash out at their family, makes no sense, but steroids, brain tumors, strange stuff happens. Your brother and yourself have to take care of yourselves first. I know, easier said than done.

 

[Gardening with Rabbits]

Looking at what I typed, my mother and my aunt, neither one of them had cancer. They were both almost 90 and other issues, so they were not the cancer personality type I was talking about. Both of them took care of themselves their whole life and were constantly helping others. I just was using them as an example of caring for people when it is hard. My mother was not like my aunt because she was in her own home with her family and when she went to the nursing home, since she was blind, she was confused and sometimes thought she was home. My aunt had a stroke and just got worse and worse, could not walk, eventually could not talk or eat. She loved her house. She never married, but her house was in Oklahoma and we lived in Kansas.

 

[Smart Red]

Hospice is a great way to keep a loved one at home. It really is something you should look into sooner.